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Woman renews marriage vows with Ferris wheel

MTV-owned Logo TV presents a show about people who claim to be in love with objects, such as cars, planes, Monopoly boards, and a Ferris wheel called Bruce. No, the iPhone didn't seem to feature.

Love and marriage go together like a woman and a Ferris wheel. LogoTV Screenshot by CNET

We are approaching the stage of civilization when people are becoming more tolerant of each other's objects of affections.

The question some philosophers are asking, though, is: "What if that object is an object?"

I confess to have occasionally felt a frisson of affection for inanimate things. They might have been cars, clothes, or the British when they speak.

However, I have never really considered what it would be like to have an exclusive relationship with something that doesn't talk back, breathe, snore, or tell me to put on a tie.

I therefore thank Gawker for matchmaking me with the latest in Logo TV's "What!?" documentaries.

This movie features people who are besotted with various mechanical and technological constructions.

For example, if I told you that one woman said: "It was like something pulling me, there was a tug," what might you think she was referring to?

Well, it was a Ferris wheel called the Sky Diva. This is a Ferris wheel she called Bruce. She's allowed to do that, because she married it. Um, him. And in the show she renews her vows.

She also feeds Bruce pizza.

There's a gentleman who explains the quest for love is very human, but he happened to find it with his car.

You're wondering if there's a woman who's in love with the Eiffel Tower, aren't you? As a matter of fact, yes. There's also one who is at one with Lady Liberty.

"When you're in love with the object, you become at one with the object," explained a woman who used to be in the military and on the US national archery team, but now Cupid's arrow has pierced her and directed her to buildings.

The phenomenon is known as objectum sexuality. It is base on the idea of animism, that suggests objects have a spiritual essence.

The whole show might make you question the meaning of life, love, and even sanity.

The gentleman in love with his car calls himself a "mechaphile." He underlines this is not about some twisted physical relationship with his car. "I think that's gross," he said.

It's far too easy to laugh at these people, to decide they must be actors, or to wonder whether they are entirely sane.

Still, you might know a few people who seem to be more in love with their gaming consoles or their iPhones than they are with anyone human.

When you read that 1 in 10 Americans use their smartphones during sex, a practice enjoyed by 20 percent of young adults, perhaps you might begin to decide that Ferris wheel-lovers are singular pioneers.

When the Singularity comes, we will all be free to express our love for objects.

Of course, by then, we'll largely be objects ourselves too.