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Why does Google think I know about the American Idol winner's private parts?

Udi Manber from Google today discussed the difficulties inherent in creating the perfect search engine. Here is just one example of how difficult this is.

I am fascinated by Stephen Shankland's post concerning Udi Manber's speech to the Gilbane Conference.

No, of course I have no idea what the Gilbane Conference is, but Mr. Manber is apparently Google's Vice President of Engineering in charge of search.

In his view, while the 20th Century was about conquering nature, the 21st is about understanding people.

About time someone did, if you ask me.

The most interesting part of Mr. Manber's speech was when he described the difficulties in understanding even searches that seem abundantly clear, like "hairstyles for ears that stick out."

Which led me to wish I had been at the Gilbane Conference.

Because the question I would have asked would have been: "Why, sir, do you think I know about David Cook's nether regions?"


For those of you who are still sane, Mr. Cook was the winner of this year's American Idol.

And I admit to having occasionally written a post or two on my less serious blog, Pond Culture, concerning this hypnotic car accident of a show.

Thanks to the cleverness of Wordpress's software, I can see every day what search terms led readers to my site.

One that kept coming up again and again was "David Cook ****."

I have blanked, or rather starred, a vulgar reference to the male private area.

I apologize unreservedly. I only include reference to this colloquial term for male membership in the interests of science.

And justice.

The fact is that I never wrote anything about Mr. Cook's nether regions. I never thought about writing about Mr. Cook's nether regions. And I have never actually thought about Mr. Cook's nether regions.


No, really.

Why would Google include my site on the search list of these Lucifers from Pervertia?

If no one had, indeed, written about Mr. Cook's reproductive regions, why not simply return a verdict of 'nothing found'?

Of course, then I made the mistake of actually complaining on my blog. And now my blog is the number one in Google search for that vile phrase.

Please understand me, Mr. Manber. This is clearly a case of evil done.

You have to do something about it.

You got me into this mess in the first place.

This blog awaits your response.

I will search "Google solves American Idol reproductive misunderstanding" every day until we have achieved a resolution.