Technically Incorrect offers a slightly twisted take on the tech that's taken over our lives.
On Friday, many men may have woken up and stared extra hard at their hands.
This was surely caused by a lengthy cerebral contretemps between US presidential candidates Marco Rubio and Donald Trump at Thursday night's Republican debate.
"He hit my hands," Trump said of Rubio. He was referring to a joke his rival had made last week about the allegedly slight length of Trump's fingers. Rubio had also alluded to the fact that this might mean Trump's nether regions must be length-challenged too.
"Nobody's ever hit my hands," Trump said. He'd clearly forgotten Spy magazine calling him a "short-fingered vulgarian" in the '80s.
Still, this was all about another appendage, wasn't it?
During Thursday night's debate, Trump first displayed his hands and wanted America to admire them, almost like O.J. Simpson famously claiming his hands were too big for the gloves during his murder trial.
The famed property developer wanted to make clear that the (allegedly) developed size of his hands meant there was no problem with "something else." Like the man in the old Men's Wearhouse ads, he guaranteed it.
Does science guarantee it, however?
I searched long and hard and found this 2011 study from members of the department of urology at Gachon University Gil Hospital in Incheon, Korea. It's called "Second to fourth digit ratio: a predictor of adult penile length."
Its conclusion wasn't as straightforward as Rubio's suggestion. Instead, the study concludes, if your index finger is shorter than your ring finger, your penis is likely to be bigger than if the ratio is the other way around.
Of course, because you're like that, you'll now be wondering about other body parts being indicative of penis length. One study found that there's no evidence that shoe size makes any difference.
However, another study from Nigeria suggested that the larger a man's buttocks, the larger his penis. I will leave you to insert your own joke here. Twitter, of course, leaped onto this handy bandwagon. The Twitter hashtag #trumphands offers expositions of some length on this issue of national importance.
Still, because Rubio and Trump are fighting over his hands -- and we have some scientific evidence that fingers might matter -- I have a plan.
I call upon Donald Trump to subject his index fingers and ring fingers to scientific measurement. Indeed, I call upon all the Republican candidates to do the same. Let's see who is the real macho man. Let's see whose pole numbers really are bigger than anyone else's.
After all, the people often cast their vote for the biggest, um, personality. The one who'll protect them. The one who'll keep them safe because he can wield the biggest weapons.