Since Apple has yet to reveal all the features of its upcoming iPhone, the satirists over at the Onion have taken it upon themselves to fill in the blanks.
Peruse their selections over here, but I did want to call out a few of my favorites to give you a taste.
When moved from hand to ear, makes sound effects.
Has way, way more PRAM than the last thingy.
Comes with an iPhone hat, so people know you own an iPhone during the brief periods you're not using it.
Apple and AT&T will set the iPhone free next Friday, in case you hadn't heard.