Any pyromaniac will tell you that the worst thing about today's ever-glossier technology is that, with the exception of certain companies' laptop batteries, it doesn't burn very well. Companies are becoming greener, with their sugar batteries, their and their biodegradable laptops. But they're missing the point entirely: the best way to be green is to make your products out of trees.
People are using trees for new and more exciting things every day. Plus, think of the added bonuses that a smouldering wooden laptop could bring -- it could keep your hands warm as you start up the chainsaw on a winter's morning, ready to destroy more of Mother Earth's perpendicular perennial assets, for instance.
While we here at Crave don't condone the ruthless destruction of the ailing planet's resources, we do appreciate that making technology out of wood can be very cool. With this in mind, please welcome our inaugural 'Tech From Trees' event. Join us as we cruise through the tech world's most audacious attempts at making things that shouldn't be made out of trees, out of trees.
Suissa Computers accepts commissions to produce beautifully designed PCs, with similarly impressive specifications on the inside. Our favourite of the company's gallery is the Revolution. Its curvaceous exterior wouldn't look out of place sitting on the desk of the nameless protagonist from the HG Wells classic, The Time Machine, though the anachronistic flaws of such an image would be a challenge to overcome.
This model weighs in at a shade under 30kg -- roughly the same weight as the average 11-year old Victorian factory boy.
Credit: Suissa Computers
ZapWizard's appetite for destroying conventions reaches a geektastic high with the wooden iPod. This is a fully working iPod with a case of pure tree. We advise everyone to pay the chap to build them an Apple treePod of their very own.
Ah, the-- nature's A student. A seductive natural lovechild, it's the result of an illicit one-night stand between Mother Earth and Asus. In a recent poll, nine out of ten treehuggers said that if the tree they were chained to had to become a product, it'd be the EcoBook.
Andreas Odegard, a talented crafter, built a version of the delightful Zen Stone. But instead of filling it with the electronics of said device, Odegard fitted a £5 MP3 player inside instead. This wooden toy may make Creative groan in its bed at night, but any Earth-conscious tech fan may want to start begging for their own Zen Stone. Or should that be Zen Twig?
Credit: Captain Odegard
The Russians aren't just talented crafters of wooden phones, they're also a dab hand when it comes to PC building. This wooden contraption is a fully working personal computer built for a Moscow resident. What's inside is anyone's guess. Regardless, it's worth a round of triple distilled in our books!
If you blackmail only one rich relative this year for personal gain, make sure it's in order to get one of these for your very own. It's highly likely to make you more attractive to your respective fancy guy/girl, and will look a whole lot nicer on your desk -- if possible -- than a new 24-inch iMac.