1869. In a laboratory in Germany, Swiss physician Friedrich Miescher stared at the white blood cells under his microscope and asked the question that would lead to the discovery of DNA and 150 years of scientific research:
"If you could listen to your DNA, what would it sound like? And more importantly, does it slap?"
This week the genealogy website announced a partnership with Spotify for AncestryDNA customers to discover their ethnic origins and put the answers to music -- or in Ancestry's words, "Your AncestryDNA results can play a unique Spotify mix of music, inspired by your origins."
That's right, science, we don't need you anymore. We've got Ancestry.com at the vanguard of scientific discovery when it comes to the building blocks of humankind, creating the perfect Spotify playlist to match your DNA.
It's the next logical step for the tech world, which has been quietly invading our bodies for years now. From those first step trackers and fitness apps all the way toand social scoring database, technology is constantly finding new ways to track our bodies, quantify our movements, store our unchangeable biometric identifiers and remember our DNA.
What if you could track every invasion of privacy and every egregious attempt at biometric surveillance in a playlist of songs? What sick beat would you match to each instance of technological overreach, every time Silicon Valley tried to measure and store your most personal information?
Worry no more! In the spirit of the new era of biometric tracking, we've racked up a playlist of unmitigated bangers to listen to while Silicon Valley and the police state invade every cell in your body. Turn your stereo up to 11, cede control of your digital personhood and get ready to ROCK!
1. DNA. -- Kendrick Lamar
"I got millions, I got riches buildin' in my DNA."
That's right, you can secure your riches in your DNA now. A startup called Carverr has developed technology to, including cryptocurrency passwords. In the future you won't need to remember your PIN at the ATM -- just spit on the keypad!
2. One (Blake's Got a New Face) -- Vampire Weekend
"Blake's got a new face! Blake's got a new face!"
Forgotten your passport? No worries! Thewill be able to scan your face using biometric cameras and match it to an international database. And it's not just for boarding planes -- facial recognition is also used for fun things like unlocking your phone! Or to help police in China find you in minutes using . Fun things like that!
3. All Around the World or the Myth of Fingerprints -- Paul Simon
"He says there's no doubt about it, it was the myth of fingerprints, I've seen them all and man they're all the same."
Even if you don't have a face-scanning camera in your phone, Silicon Valley still has you covered. Just use your fingerprints. Better than a PIN, because you'll never forget it. And better than a PIN because you'll also never be able to change it -- even if that biometric data is hacked or breached. Huzzah!
4. Every breath you take -- The Police
"Every step you take, I'll be watching you."
OK. So you don't board a plane, you don't use facial recognition and you've burned off your fingerprints. But you can still use a fitness tracker, right? Who could possibly want that data? OK, maybe your insurance company, to lift your premiums. OK, and maybe your employer, to track your movements and all that weight gain from sitting at your desk all day. And maybe hackers who want to know whether you'rein the Middle East. But apart from that…
5. Riders on the Storm -- The Doors
"There's a killer on the road."
Your biological information isn't just used to identify you. Now you can play a part in helping police track down your relatives! DNA databases played anin 2018, when the killer's profile was matched to data on the website GEDMatch. You never know when your quest to find your family tree could out Uncle Jim for those crimes he committed in the '70s.
6. Bad Blood -- Taylor Swift
"Take a look at what you've done, 'cause baby now we got bad blood."
This one is more honorary mention to everyone who believed in Theranos -- the Silicon Valley company that promised to simplify blood tests by using 1/1000 of the amount of blood required by other pathology tests. But if you poured your blood into a "nanotainer" to be analysed by Theranos' "Edison" machine, I have bad news: You gave your DNA to the wrong people..
Ancestry.com has been contacted for comment.
First published Sept. 25, 11:46 p.m. PT.
Update, Sept. 26 at 4:41 p.m.: Ancestry.com provided the following comment regarding privacy under the new partnership: "Protecting our customers' privacy is Ancestry's highest priority. Spotify does not have access to DNA data of any Ancestry customers. Customers can manually input regions, into the playlist generator on Spotify and then a custom playlist is created with songs by artists from the various regions and across a wide variety of musical genres. All information is manually input by customers and the experience is completely optional."
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