It seems that the only thing Sega did when it gave Sonic a third dimension to exist in is give me the first and most defining reason to begin despising the useless spiky blue cretin.
I finished 2008 playing Sonic Unleashed, the latest 3D Sonic title to crawl out of the fatigued hands of Sonic Team. After several hours of gameplay, I consider the mouths of Hell's own diseased and rotting bloodhounds too pleasant for Sonic to be chewed up in, for Sonic Unleashed may be one of the worst games I've ever played.
GameSpot agreed, giving it just 3.5 out of 10. Yahtzee of Zero Punctuation said, "Sonic doesn't need more games, he needs help -- specifically the kind of help that involves tearfully putting both barrels through his confused, oblivious little face."
And frankly, I agree. I loved Sonic. The old Sonic. I have Sonic 1 and Sonic 2 on my Xbox 360, and I love the nostalgia of two-dimensional game mechanics, side-scrolling leaps over pits of infinite non-space, the incredible 360-degree leg spinning of Japan's foremost double-jointed nocturnal mammal.
However, I despise the unbearable dialogue of Sonic Unleashed. And I do not appreciate the asinine idea that Sonic should mimic Lara Croft's pole-grabbing acrobatics throughout a world that should, for its own good, be destroyed, coupled with control mechanisms so unbearably awful that I genuinely believe it gave me flu.
If you want to love Sonic, buy the original two games from Xbox Live Arcade and revel as the achievement system gives you new reason to become the master of two-dimensional mammal madness.
But if you want to hate Sonic -- I mean truly wish ill fate upon him and all he holds dear -- go and buy Sonic Unleashed.