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Screech machine to drive away teen vandals

A town in Minnesota says it may install a noise machine in a park to drive away teen vandals.

It's hard to get teenagers to go away.

Some thought that a little economic crisis might at least get them to be quiet for a while and stand in line for a job at McDonald's.

Yet as far as the town of Hastings in Minnesota is concerned, perhaps only technology can rid it of teen pests.

According to the Associated Press, Hastings suffers from teenagers who enjoy vandalizing Cari Park, an out-of-the way place that has no lighting.

So, ululating in the dark for a solution, the town has hit on the idea of using SonicScreen Technology, courtesy of a company called Webber Recreational Design.

Webber's Web site offers quite a touching solution to the city's woes. It says the technology, which is from a company called MiracleTech, uses "patented mosquito technology"--which is a "miracle"--in order to emit noises that adults cannot hear, but teens experience as something akin to multiple fingernails screeching down a blackboard.

I had no idea teens could be so sensitive. However, most adults begin to lose their high frequency hearing in their early 20s (or shortly after their tenth metal concert).

This technology is, allegedly, safe. Webber claims research has shown there's no long-term damage to hearing after being exposed to this screeching.

Apparently, loitering youth will evacuate the location in which SonicScreen Technology is used within just a few minutes. Which would be a good thing, as the AP reports that the Hastings youths have lit fires, scrawled graffiti, and even defecated in Cari Park.

It will be enlightening to see whether, should the technology be deployed, these youths will, indeed, evacuate the park.

Or will they just return with fancy headphones in order to continue enjoying their entertaining nihilism?