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Samsung reveals Santa is really Steve Ballmer

A new ad for the Galaxy Gear shows Santa motivating an elves' sales conference. He's more than a little like the man who cries about developers.

Santa? A smartwatch hawker? Samsung/YouTube Screenshot by Chris Matyszczyk/CNET

Santa is sacred.

He's an icon. He's a superstar. He's a traditionalist. You don't imagine him peddling one product or another. He's commercially non-denominational. At least that's how he lives in my childlike mind.

Now along comes Samsung to tell me: "No, no, ninny. Santa is a Galaxy Gear fanboy."

In a new ad that will surely shake the foundations of contemporary culture, we have Santa -- no, Samta -- speaking at what appears to be an elves' sales conference.

Samta is less the genial old man who's seen it all, done it all and knows that true love comes down chimneys, and more, well,Microsoft CEO Steve Ballmer.

Samta is preaching to his own choir of little people. He's making them believe that the Galaxy Gear isn't a smartwatch that's had mediocre reviews.

This watch that does some things, but not really all that many, isn't merely magical and revolutionary.

"It's a miracle," says Samta.

This ad can surely only run when the children go to bed. This might affect lives, families, even whole communities.

"Call me crazy," shrieks Samta.

Well, we'll see how crazy he is after the holiday gadget-gorging season is over and the numbers are in.

Meanwhile, how can Samsung top this? How can they make next year's Elves Sales Conference even more motivating and shocking than stark-raving bonkers Samta?

I have it: Elvis.