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Royal-wedding phone dials up William and Kate

Perfect for royal watchers and simpering simpletons: a common-as-muck phone boasting a ringtone of the Wedding March and a 1.5-inch screen for displaying royal-themed wallpaper.

Alcatel One Touch
Carphone Warehouse

Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to celebrate the union of two young people we've never met with a torrent of cheap tchotchkes. Yes, to celebrate the royal wedding of Prince William and Kate Middleton, the Carphone Warehouse has announced a celebratory special-edition Royal Wedding Alcatel One Touch mobile phone.

As some are calling the blushing bride herself, the phone is common as muck. It's an Alcatel One Touch with a Union Jack on the front and the royal couple's initials and wedding date emblazoned on the back. The patriotic print is worth 15 of the groom's gran's English pounds, apparently, because the OT-209 costs just 1p normally--but buying that when you have the option of a royal version is treason or something.

The phone boasts a 1.5-inch screen for displaying royal-themed wallpaper. It also includes a ringtone of the Wedding March. It's a perfect gift for royal watchers, wedding fans, and simpering simpletons.

Read more of "Royal-wedding tatphone Alcatel One Touch dials up William and Kate" at Crave UK.