Perhaps "Don't Dazer Laser me, bro" doesn't quite trip off the tongue. However, police in the Northwest may soon be experimenting with the Dazer Laser, a tool which, well, shoots, blinds, and disorients.
The Dazer Laser is a gun that emits a green light at suspects and causes them to temporarily lose their sight and wonder whether they might have been transported to an alternative galaxy. And, according to King 5 News in Seattle, police in the Northwest might soon be the first to experiment with zapping a green light at a suspected evildoer.
The Dazer Laser, allegedly, has less deleterious side effects than tasers and enjoys a greater distance of use than pepper spray. "You need minimal training. It's not hard to aim a light at somebody," Officer Tom Arnold of the Lakewood Police Department told King 5.
Within the next month, the first 1,000 Dazer Lasers will be ready for action at the the North Carolina factory of Laser Energetics.
But perhaps the most extraordinary claim is that these little babies might be efficacious from not merely 3 feet but up to one and a half miles. The Laser Energetics site (which, I warn you, offers some rather pulsating music) says that the Dazer Laser not only blinds and confuses, but might also make you feel a little sick.
The effects might last "up to hours, depending on the threats physiology," says the site.
Personally, I am not entirely au fait with the full parameters of my threats physiology, but I am not fond of the idea that I might, one day, be seeing green in a case of mistaken identity. Especially if some of that green might be of the kind that Linda Blair offered in "The Exorcist."
I know many laser aficionados wander these pages, so might I disappoint you? The Dazer Laser is not quite as freely available as the, the supposedly most dangerous laser in the world. The Dazer Laser is only available to the appropriate forces, can only be activated with a security code, and can be programmed to turn off after a certain amount of time, should bad people get hold of them.
Who might be the first policeman to come home and tell his family "I greened a perp today"?