Dear people of London,
We need to talk. And you need to talk less.
You're going to have to change your ways, because you're really messing up the Olympics TV coverage.
Yes, even more.
Because all of your stupid, pointless, self-serving, self-aggrandizing texts and tweets are clogging data systems. Which means that TV coverage is being disrupted. And we can't have TV coverage being disrupted.
Well, except in the U.S.
We, at the International Olympic Committee have been forced to inform you, kind, polite people of London, that, as we have just told Reuters, all the people sending tweets -- about boring things like the British Olympic team's failure to win a medal in a cycling road race that resembled a scenic tour of England's posh parts -- are messing up the data airwaves.
During that very race yesterday, the fine TV commentators had huge problems getting information from GPS systems that accompany the cyclists. That meant they couldn't tell us how many ham sandwiches the cyclists had consumed in the last 40 kilometers.
Yes, if your tweet, your text, or your fancy Instagram picture is vital, then we'll try and tolerate things. But how can any Instagram picture be vital?
I know we said before the Games that the telecom operators were ready. They were. But they weren't ready for your tweeting insanity, people of London.
Actually, the truth is that BT, Vodaphone, and 02 haven't noticed any problems. In fact, it appears to be an over-demand on one particular network and we'll try to get to the bottom of it.
But we don't always get to the bottom of things quickly, so we thought we'd tell you to cool it with the texts and tweets.
Even though we know that it might not make a blind bit of difference.
So in case your TV commentators suddenly can't tell you how far bikes are apart, how many times a hockey player has ground her teeth, or how many paces a marathon runner has taken in the last 475 meters, please don't blame us.
It's your fault.
The International Olympic Committee