I'm in pain. Don't worry, I haven't cut off an arm. No, this pain is far greater. It's the pain of not having broadband Internet access.
I've been online since around 1995. I was on CompuServe to start with and I remember WorldsAway -- the Second Life of its generation -- and numerical email addresses. I even remember my numerical email address, which was firstname.lastname@example.org. So I feel like I have some justification in missing the Internet at times like this (I've moved house, by the way).
What makes me laugh is that I've become so reliant on being online that I've now had to use my 3G phone to surf and check my email. This means I'm paying £1 for the first 15MB of data and then £1 per subsequent megabyte. If I make it through this month with any money left it will be a miracle. Dial-up isn't an option because I don't do analogue. And even if I did, I don't have a modem to do it with.
Anyway, with a bit of luck the BT line tracker will admit I have a phone line soon and I can order my broadband. Hopefully I'll be compensated for this connectivity-free week with a blisteringly fast 24Mbps connection. Such speed will be a vast improvement on my previous 1Mbps line, which was starting to creak under the strain of YouTube and other important Web-related tasks.