The selfie has become the visual equivalent of the human pulse.
I selfie, therefore I am sentient.
Somehow, though, events that featured star selfies have been restricted to actorial award shows, rather than the bloodied fields of self-preservation otherwise known as the NFL.
Houston Texans defensive end JJ Watt decided to change that on Sunday. He was very slightly miffed that the opposing quarterback, Zach Mettenberger of the Tennessee Titans, was fond of posting Twitter selfies.
This morning, for example, Mettenberger posted an amusing little selfie in which he had a bushy mustache.
This was bush league for Watt. After he sacked the rookie quarterback, Watt made as if he was taking a selfie himself. As he explained to ESPN: "It's just kind of a reminder. This is the National Football League, not high school."
These are very wise words. Especially lately, the NFL has shown it is nothing like high school and very slightly akin like an exclusive confederacy of felons. How dare Mettenberger post an innocuous image of himself with a mustache on game day?
Mettenberger had already posted a "Dodgeball"-style selfie earlier in the week.
He commented to ESPN: "Ultimately that's what this game is about. It's about having fun. Anytime you get an opportunity to show some character or personality, you've got to make the most of that."
Watt, star of Verizon ads in which he dances around and offers dialogue from a wooden can, countered: "I just, I take my job very seriously."
Remember, children. Knocking someone over and then mocking them by miming a selfie is called taking your job seriously.