Has Santa fired the elves?
Were they too short, too ridiculously dressed, too squeaky-voiced?
Whatever the reason, a new Apple ad suggests that the great white-bearded hope has decided to rely on Siri for all of his most pressing needs this Christmas.
In truth, Santa seems to have become a lazy, sluggish capitalist like so many who become serfs to technology. He's always on his iPhone 4S and asking her some of the most basic questions imaginable.
Will it be cold in Cleveland tonight, he wonders. It's always cold in Cleveland. Cleveland exists in order to ensure that global warming is balanced out. Does he really need Siri to tell him that?
Mr. Claus is also apparently hitting the cookies to excess and needs Siri to relay that thought to him--originating, as it does, from Mrs. Claus. Who surely says it to him 10 times a day.
Perhaps most troubling of all, though, is that he appears to have forgotten how many children he must satisfy. His knowledge of global population numbers seems to have gone the way of cookie-intake numbers.
Is Siri really Santa's little helper? Or does she enable him to simply be a slob? If the latter, what effect will she have on the rest of humanity?