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NBA slaps Heat owner with $500,000 tweeting fine

Micky Arison, owner of the Miami Heat, is fined $500,000 for answering comments on Twitter about the NBA lockout. The season should have started today.

Today, on El Dia De Los Muertos, the NBA season should have enjoyed its annual rebirth.

Instead, the corpulently wealthy types known as owners are battling with the lengthily wealthy types known as players for an extra slice of, well, cash, leaving fans gameless.

Not all owners support the stance of NBA Commissioner David Stern. Revealing this on Twitter has cost one owner $500,000, believed to be the biggest tweeting fine in history.

This weekend, Micky Arison, he who brought LeBron James, Dwayne Wade, and Chris Bosh into his Miami Heat franchise, turned to Twitter to explain, with consummate brevity, that he is ready for the nonsense to end.

You see, real human beings, known as fans, were tweeting Arison like this: "How's it feel to be apart of ruining the best game in the world? NBA owners/players don't give a damn about fans&and guess what? Fans provide all the money you're fighting over&you greedy f****** pigs."

Arison couldn't help but reach for his own animal metaphor in tweeting a reply: "You are barking at the wrong owner."

The Heat are currently in a deep freeze. CC Compujeramey/Flickr

With these few words, he pointed his tweeting fingers at small-market and, some might say, small-minded owners, such as Portland Trail Blazers owner Paul Allen (Microsoft idealizers might remember him), who are gritting their teeth for an extra few pounds of freshly bitten flesh.

Arison offered a couple of other short and amused replies to his followers' questions. However, in the highly illiberal cabal that is NBA ownership, you mustn't speak about this lockout (a sweetly barbaric term), even if you own a team.

So, as ESPN reported, Arison was yesterday fined $500,000 by the NBA.

Arison is also the CEO of cruise ship operator Carnival. Since his entertaining (and presumably honest) tweet retort, he has confined himself to tweeting about safer matters, such as honeymoon cruises for lovers and his coach's birthday.

Perhaps, though, he could persuade his fellow owners to go on a cruise with him in search of a radical and swift solution to such a nonsensical situation.

As soon as they are in open waters, perhaps he could ask a majority to vote for a reasonable settlement--such a thing does exist here--or one owner would be thrown off the side of the ship every hour. (Oh, and the owners wouldn't be told that there would be some expert divers in the water-- the San Antonio Spurs Manu Ginobili, for example.)

He could also offer to live-tweet the whole proceedings and even run a YouTube feed.

I feel confident that, within minutes, there would be cheery backslapping agreement, and the ship would return to shore to be greeted by James and Wade with open, loving arms.

You see, I am a Golden State Warriors fan and, though we are strange people, we also have needs. We need the NBA to get us through the winter. We are tired of tweeting our owners--the main one being Kleiner Perkins partner Joe Lacob--and begging for sense to prevail.

Twitter, shockingly, can only get you so far.