This is a message to parents.
Please don't let your children resume school. At least, not until those venal principals have stopped allowing your children's minds to be warped like plastic in the Sahara.
Did you know that your children are being pushed to get a mortgage? Did you know they're being encouraged to get a free credit report?
Those sweet innocent minds are even being teased into buying vitamin supplements.
Who is behind this heinous hucksterism? Why, it's the Do-No-Evilers down at Google.
Please, I am not declaiming my latest musings, addled by cider from New Jersey. No, this is a new ad in Microsoft's famed "Scroogled" campaign.
These here adults cannot believe what this lovely child might become, just because she's being forced to use Google search in school, and therefore having to see ridiculous ads.
The corruption is palpable. She's studying the history of Mesopotamia, where civilization reigned, before it was corrupted by ignorants from the West.
Now here is Google corrupting young minds with issues far beyond their scope.
How can any corporation justify peddling these ads to the impressionables who will soon be the guinea pigs of the robot era?
Help is at hand. There is Bing for Schools. It's ad free. And it knows lots about Mesopotamia too.
Microsoft claims on the Scroogled site that 79 percent "of parents of K-12 students who search the Web believe schools should have the choice of making search in the classroom ad-free."
Worse, 84 percent "are unaware of the fact that when children search on classroom computers, they are exposed to the same ads that they'd see on a public computer."
Parents, please address this issue before your child becomes obsessed about mortgage rates, credit reports and ingesting vitamin supplements.
You do not, under any circumstances, want your kids to grow up to be like you.