In love, people make mistakes.
You run hot under the collar, steam rises from your head, and scalding words get emitted that you wish had stayed indoors.
Before you know it, you've dumped the one person who truly understood that you were more messed up than most European economies, and actually tolerated that.
Sadly, in the new instant world, it's too easy to kiss your lover goodbye without even a kiss, as the fiendishly devious, recently releasedrevealed.
This was an app that took the lumps out of dumping, by sending a text on your behalf.
Now the creators, Jake Levine and Lauren Leto, seem to have been overcome by guilt. For they have released a complementary app to their original, destructive baby.
This one is called MakeUp Text.
Yes, it's for all those who have callously cast their lovers aside and suddenly realized that it has left a callous on their own lives.
Naturally, the MakeUp Text app sends texts that are just as frightfully deep as the ones sent by its heinous big brother.
It offers three excuses for the sender's original misplaced haste: "Something Shiny Caught My Eye," "I Lost Interest," and the infinitely believable "I Was Kidnapped By Russians."
A sample of its wares would be this:
I left you because I thought I found something great, something different, something worthy of my attention. It sucked me in, like a hypnotic octopus with bright and heavy tentacles dragging its willing partner further and further underwater. Until I suddenly realized I was being tricked. Their glitter was sand, their shine only the sun's reflection off their cold, metal self. You, my dear, my love, are the sun. You are nothing but glitter, I know because it fills me every time we speak, every time I see you it's all lightning flashes, you can light up the night's sky. I left you because I'm an idiot, because that dastardly farce. I miss you, let us be together, let me take in your light. If you can find it in you to forgive me, I will spend every day worshiping your sun, you will never lose me again.
This is, clearly, a story heard so many times before. Pain inflicted by greed. Then the greedy one wakes up one morning and realizes where the sun truly shines.
I asked Leto whether she had ever broken up with someone by text. She demurred demurely. Naturally, I took that as a "yes."
She admitted that neither she nor Levine had used BreakUp Text to dismiss one of their intimates.
And yet when I looked at another response offered by the app, I wondered just how much the creators were injecting their own experiences.
Hark at the angst embedded here:
We were the perfect couple. And often, perfection means routine. Perfect means fixed in our ways. Perfect means on Saturday we go to the same bar with the same people, on Sunday we stay in and catch up on all the usual shows while sitting on our usual seats on the usual couch. I got bored, okay? I've been on my own for awhile now, and it's not as great as I thought. I go to the same bar with the same people, except my favorite drinking buddy is missing. I sit at my usual seat on Sundays, but there's no one laughing next to me. What I didn't realize about our boring routine was that everything interesting about it, everything that made life worthwhile, was you.
Yes, love is about being bored with absolutely the right person. And it's possible to sum that up in a (boring) text.
I asked Leto whether she and Levine might have been inundated with the pained shrieks of those who had been dumped by their original creation.
All she would tell me is: "We're just trying to heal the masses."
The moral here is quite simple: If you can find it within yourself to see what you did wrong, how you erred in your treatment of your truest love, you can bow and scrape by text.
In destruction, there is construction, as Mark Zuckerberg must have whispered to more than one date in his time.
You can still create something beautiful and even lasting, even though you took a casual cudgel to it.
With MakeUp Text, this belief in a reconstructed future being stronger than the original is clear.
While BreakUp Text costs 99 cents, MakeUp Text is free.
For a limited time, of course. The hurt don't wait for eternity.