Whenever someone tells me they're serious, I'm wary. Whenever someone tells me they're "100 percent serious," I imagine their noses at twice the length.
So when I hear that BiteLabs is making salami out of celebrity tissue, I reach for a precautionary Kleenex.
BiteLabs offers an impressive headline: "Eat Celebrity Meat." After all, it's what we do every day.
We masticate on celebrities' personal lives and we swallow the storylines often peddled by their own PR people.
But would we really push a little genetic matter from a celebrity into our mouths and stomachs? Of course we would. It would be something to talk about, to post on our every social network.
BiteLabs promises that it will obtain biopsies from the likes of Jennifer Lawrence ("A Different Type of Hunger Game"), James Franco ("He's Sexy. He's Artsy. Let's Make Him Salami") and, quite naturally, Kanye West ("Always Push The Boundaries In Taste").
The fine minds at Motherboard speculate that this is all a fine satire on Silicon Valley's latest penchant in saving the world: artificially created food.
I am not so sure. If you like a nice meal in the evenings, you'll know that very fine chef David Chang believes that the next big food trend is bologna.
Sausage is in, people. Just imagine how popular it would be if we could get tons and tons of celebrity sausage in people.
Motherboard managed to chat with the man behind BiteLabs. He goes by the name Kevin. He explained that he is "100 percent serious."
He added: "Each salami will have roughly 30 percent celebrity meat and 40 percent lab-grown animal meats (we're currently looking into ostrich and venison but pork and beef are more popular in our early research). The rest will consist of fats and spices. This break-down comes from consultation with expert food designers and chefs."
Kevin also admitted to being inspired by Google (aren't we all?) and its edifying Google burger.
There doesn't yet appear to be actual agreement from these stars. Personally, though, I cannot wait to try Yeezusalami.
My heart leaps at the thought of line extensions too. Francofurter and chips, anyone?