Apple's record earnings Happy Data Privacy Day Neil Young pulls music from Spotify Our Wordle obsession Minnie Mouse pantsuit Free N95 masks

Joy! Apocalypse delayed until 2030

The U.K. government's chief scientist declares that 2030 will be the year in which food and energy shortages, coupled with population explosion and climate change, will create disaster.

I always thought a stray meteorite would just smack into the world in, oh, 2020, and that would be that.

Or, perhaps, around 2015, everyone would become a celebrity and have a simultaneous nervous breakdown, brought on by excessive drug abuse, causing a Koresh-like disappearance of humanity.

But no, the year to prepare all your insurance policies for is 2030.

By that year, according to Professor John Beddington, the U.K. government's chief scientist, food and energy demand will have risen by 50 percent and fresh water by 30 percent. And the global population will have risen to around 8.3 billion.

CC L*u*z*a Lack of Inspiration

Professor Beddington said at the Sustainable Development UK conference today that it will be a "perfect storm." Because today's storm is, of course, so frightfully flawed.

Here's the good news. For the United Kingdom, at least: "We're relatively fortunate in the U.K. There may not be shortages here, but we can expect prices of food and energy to rise."

Yes, Britain may, again, rule the world. Now that would, indeed, be perfect.

It's not that I'm pessimistic, but does Professor Beddington really believe that, given the way things have been going lately, there will even be a world by 2030? I worry that he doesn't watch enough TV.

Live for today, people. Tomorrow may not be another day after all.