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iPhone X and iPhone 8: Here are all Apple's hype videos

Commentary: You can't just listen to middle-aged men tell you about the products. You have to feel the promotional videos.

Technically Incorrect offers a slightly twisted take on the tech that's taken over our lives.


Yes, he did.

Apple/YouTube screenshot by Chris Matyszczyk/CNET

When you're launching a new product, you have to stir emotions.

But when you're launching three phones and a watch, you've got to find different ways of making them all seem exciting. 

At Apple's big event, there were two stopgap phones -- the iPhone 8 and the 8 Plus -- and the one you're supposed to really, really want: the iPhone X. There was the Apple Watch Series 3 too. 

That's a lot of videos to make.

Here, then, is how Apple approached it.

For the watch, we had a surfer getting himself frightfully wet. As he's plowing gloriously through the water, he gets a call. Yes, on his Apple Watch. This was simply done, made the point, but didn't answer the fundamental question: Did he take the call? 

Please, if you're surfing, don't wear an Apple Watch. It will surely spoil the enjoyment.

Next were the iPhone 8 and 8 Plus. 

It would have been tempting to make these more exciting than they actually are. 

Apple chose to offer a very familiar video with close-ups of the products and the usual upbeat fanfare. "Watch this," the song intoned. And, indeed, it was a perfectly watchable 30 seconds. Exciting? Well, it was nice to see wireless charging in action.

What about iPhone X? Would there be a dramatic video insisting that this was greatest and most magical revolution of our time, that it would unite nations and bring all conflict to an end?

Well, Pepsi tried something like that earlier this year, so perhaps Apple thought it wise not to reach so far. 

Instead, this video had music that told us the iPhone X was our best friend, one with whom we would do a lot of things. 

This steered clear of bombast and cheerily presented the main features. It had to. Why make the 8 and 8 Plus look like one-legged, red-headed stepchildren? 

The one summarizing thought this video did offer was remarkably human-focused, as well as product-hyping: "You've never seen anything like it. It's never seen anything like you." There's a certain intelligence in that. Artificial intelligence, of course.

Finally, though, there was the obligatory video voiced by Apple's chief design officer, Jony Ive.

In years past, he's emitted some classic words and lines. It was always joyous (for Americans) to hear him say "aluminium," instead of its American truncation. The greatest line, to my mind, was his description of the iPhone 5C. "Beautifully, unapologetically plastic," he called it. Art, I call it.

Surely, though, he wouldn't lower himself -- as senior vice president of software engineering Craig Federighi did during the event -- to pretending he was a piece of talking excreta. 

Well, yes. He performed as quite a few animojis. Unicorn, monkey and poo, for example. (Which would be a fine name for a law firm.)

I listened hard, but there wasn't a phrase I could grasp as being one to remember. 

Which leaves one feeling that this could be the end of an era. It also leaves one concerned that those who are immediately preparing parody videos may have a more difficult time than usual.

Oh, what am I saying? They'll all focus on the poo-moji, won't they?