Technically Incorrect offers a slightly twisted take on the tech that's taken over our lives.
I had feared that the Apple vs. Android rivalry was dying.
I had worried that there was a peculiar detente between the two parties.
Perhaps it's got something to do with their diets. Perhaps fans of Apple's iOS mobile software have suddenly turned healthy, even in their attitudes towards people who prefer devices that run Google's Android software.
I wonder this after reading a report from food delivery site Eat24. The company's boffins culled data from its Android and iPhone apps over the last three months and unearthed some contrasting results.
Before they even consider their food, 27 percent of those using the Eat24 iPhone apps click on the "healthy" tab. Only 17 percent of Android users do the same.
What does this tell us? That Apple users are more self-conscious about their figures and entrails? That Android users mainly live in the south?
Apple users ordered vegetables 7 percent more than did their counterparts in the allegedly open kingdom. Yes, 35 percent of Apple users insisted on at least some vegetables with order, according to Eat24.
Perhaps you feel, though, that Apple users are more bland. The evidence in your favor is that Android users have a 10 percent greater penchant for ordering something spicy.
As you're wondering about how to specifically insult a member of the opposite smartphone persuasion, I will leave you with one final side dish of data.
iPhone users are twice as likely to order pick up, Android users prefer to sit on their couches and wait for a student to arrive on a moped. I'm sure they tip well.
Naturally, Eat24 delved deeper into the symbolism. They noted how Google likes to name new operating systems after (unhealthy) foods. Some might even choose to note that Apple's logo keeps the doctor away while Android's little droid is a touch on the portly side.
Eat24 declared Apple users clearly more healthy.
So please look around you, therefore, and consider whether your iPhone-loving friends are healthier than their Android counterparts.
Then go for a walk, sign up for a gym membership, cut down on your meal portions and tell everyone you're merely defending the honor of your smartphone brand.