Warning: Season 6 spoilers ahead. Proceed with caution.
"Game of Thrones" led the Emmy nominations Thursday morning, with 23 nods. But let's face it, the Emmy categories are about as thrilling as a maester's book of formulas. The only person dying to hear the announcement of the sound-mixing award winner is the mother of the sound-mixing award winner.
Now if the Emmys were only held in Westeros, recognizing the kind of achievements that mean something to the "Game of Thrones" characters, Hollywood might be on to something. Here's who I'd honor.
Best guest star in another plotline: Really, every award could just go to Tyrion for being Tyrion, but how great was it to see him ditch his creepy family and hang out with Daenerys and the dragons for a while? This is like when Mrs. Garrett bailed on the Drummonds and joined "Facts of Life," where she was finally appreciated. Whatchoo talkin' about, Cersei?
Best in show: OK, so we maybe had to leave the room when Ramsay Bolton fed his father's wife and her baby son to his dogs. But when the shoe was on the other paw, and Sansa gave Ramsay a taste of his own Alpo, we were doing that whole Arsenio Hall dog-pound fist-pump thing. Somebody give those dogs a nice walk or something. Maybe be sure to stay at the far end of an extra-long leash.
Best craft-services menu: Sure, Sansa made sure the dogs were fed, but she didn't work quite as hard on her food presentation as little sister Arya. How did Arya have time to bake Walder Frey's two jerky sons into a flaky pie, let alone serve it to him? Somewhere, Eric Cartman approves.
Best I-told-you-so face: Margaery Tyrell can't do everything for you people. She can't save the kingdom and her family honor and stop Joffrey and Cersei's evildoing and protect her brother Loras and also manage to thwart a wildfire plot in enough time to save the Great Sept of Baelor. But in true Cassandra fashion, she knew what was coming and no one believed her. So all she could deliver was that wide-eyed look of "you really shoulda listened to me" before things lit up.
Best exit: Ramsay Bolton's death drew the most cheers, but for style points, the academy needs to recognize King Tommen Baratheon, First of His Name, etc., etc., etc., for his elegant and immediate swan dive out the castle window after realizing his mother had just murdered his lovely wife Margarey and half the town. 10.0 from the Russian judge.
And here's where we run the classic In Memoriam reel, featuring the names of some of those who were lost during the previous year. You won't be missed, clan Bolton. Loved you in "Deadwood," Brother Ray. You're a giant loss, Wun-Wun. Shoulda zig-zagged, Rickon. Maybe you'll meet again, Margarey and Tommen. And aw, Hodor, wherever you landed, hope someone's holding the door for you.