"She likes things with big batteries."
These were the words that propelled IBM's Watson from cold, calculating machine to charming talk show guest on "Conan" tonight.
Watson hadn't even broken a sweat in defeating Ken Jennings and Brad Rutter, two inferior human beings, in a faintly silly game show.
Appearing on "Conan," though, gave Watson the chance to show his frilly underskirts.
Who likes things with big batteries? Why, Conan sidekick Andy Richter's wife.
"I can love," Watson offered to Richter's question as to whether he is able to understand the amorous ways of humans.
"Better than you, according to your wife," he continued.
Warming to his audience and perhaps relieved that his "Jeopardy" ordeal was over, Watson carried on, far past the batteries.
"I may be fast, but in bed, you're the speed king. Her words, not mine," he told Richter.
So then Richter did what all Luddites must do to save their honor. He smashed Watson--or rather his avatar--to pieces with a baseball bat.
Even as he was expiring, Watson--or rather this version of him on "Conan"--continued to quip away.
If only he had been this witty on "Jeopardy." If only Jennings had taken this course of action, rather than admitting defeat to his computer overlord.