This is my Facebook profile. There are many like it, but this one is mine... Not any more, Marine, because MARADMIN order 0458/09 signals an immmediate ban of social-networking sites such as Facebook, MySpace and Twitter for all members of the United States Marine Corps.
If, like us, you're on your third doughnut of the day and the most danger you're facing is HR catching you slinking out 20 minutes early, imagine this order being screamed in your face by the red-faced drill sergeant from Full Metal Jacket:
"THESE INTERNET SITES IN GENERAL ARE A PROVEN HAVEN FOR MALICIOUS ACTORS AND CONTENT AND ARE PARTICULARLY HIGH RISK DUE TO INFORMATION EXPOSURE, USER-GENERATED CONTENT AND TARGETING BY ADVERSARIES."
In other words, the order is designed to protect leathernecks from revealing information about themselves, their roles or their deployment to anyone who might use their tweets, photos and pokes against them, such as enemy combatants, terrorists or bleeding-heart liberal journalists.
Despite the ban for jarheads, the Department of Defence is trying to avoid writing off social media entirely. Price Floyd, described by Wired as "the Pentagon's social-media czar", is planning a DoD -- seriously -- and is even on Twitter.
Now drop and give us 20, Craver! Alright, ten. One? Oh, forget it.