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Huge snake in toilet bites man while he's doing his business

Hello, horror movie plot.

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python

Yes, this is a reticulated python. No, it's not the one that bit the man in Austria. 

Eko Siswono Toyudho/Anadolu Agency/Getty Images

Thankfully, most nightmares don't come to life. It's unlikely your teeth will crumble and fall out, or you'll return to high school unprepared for a math test -- and naked. But here's a nightmare that's reportedly real: A man in Austria was sitting on the toilet when he got bitten by a python. You know where it bit him.

The 65-year-old man (not identified by name, because he needs at least one positive thing to hang on to) "felt a 'nip' in the genital area" while on the toilet in Graz, Austria, around 6 a.m., according to the Associated Press. He then found the albino reticulated python measuring 5 foot 3 inches (1.6 meters) in his toilet. Imagine jumping up and seeing that.

The reptile could be easily traced -- it belonged to a 24-year-old neighbor who had "11 non-venomous constrictor snakes and a gecko in his apartment, in terrariums and drawers." This one had slipped away and used the pipes to escape. Future snake aficionados, please keep all of your toilets closed and drains blocked, thank you very much.

The victim sustained only minor injuries, according to police, but no one is saying how long it's going to take this poor guy to trust a toilet again.