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How to tweet like a man

Sociolinguistics gives us the keys to more masculine or feminine tweeting. Hint, guys: Google my jeep my ni$$@, http it up, bro. 4 sale. need $.

Apparently, what you tweet can say a lot about who you are. It's an evolving truism that even socio-linguists are hip to. Just last month, a study was presented at a linguistics conference in Scotland that looked at possible connections between what people tweet and their gender.

The study gives word nerds like me the opportunity for all kinds of fun. Before getting down to it, check out the list of the most gender-skewed words from the study. These are the words that were determined to be the most predictive of a Tweeter's gender:

From the paper "Discriminating Gender on Twitter" Mitre Corporation

Using the above chart, the most feminine tweet possible would be something like:

omg girl! totally cute etsy dress shopping, yay! hubby miss birthday, soo sad-sigh- hate husband today, baby miss yummy dinner tomorrow lol

See? You'd never guess that Tweet was composed by a married man who never forgets his wife's birthday, has a significant respect for the treasure trove that is crafts site Etsy, and isn't afraid to admit it to the world.

Now, looking at the more ludicrous part of the chart, the most masculine tweet possible would read more like:

Googled google, Google results missing http. Mayb need http when use No answer at Google or Google fail

Let's hope we're more interesting in face-to-face conversation than we are in this most algorithmically gender-predictive tweet, guys. If not, it might explain why the ladies are spending more time tweeting about Etsy and chocolate and hair than us.

"Possessive bigrams" that are indicative of gender on Twitter. Delip Rao via Fast Company

In its reporting on the study by researchers at the Mitre Corporation, Fast Company was also kind enough to include this chart from another, similar study that included possessive phrases that are also predictive of gender on Twitter.

The most and least indicative of each gender are listed in each column.

Awesome. So now we can add a little more flavor to our most-masculine-tweet-ever candidate, although my upbringing prevents me from including the fourth item down on the list, which leaves us with something like:

2 much on my vegas trip. Can't reach my shorts & my zipper over my beer belly. Google my jeep my ni$$@, http it up, bro. 4 sale. need $

Now that's a little more manly. But still a little too pathetic to divert the ladies' attention away from Etsy and chocolate.