They say Twitter is all about telling people that you had organic beets for lunch.
This is not true. The real reason people tweet is so that, one fine, illustrious day, someone famous decides to follow them. The joy, the surprise, the feeling of sudden acceptance into a higher echelon of society makes all the effort worthwhile.
But is there a way in which you can attract people's attention a little more quickly?
Well, one of the Web's more engaging characters, Whoisthebaldguy (aka Michael Krivicka, inspiration behind the Nude it iPhone app), decided that he should use all of the Web's tools in order to flatter stars into following him. He began to make personalized websites and YouTube videos asking, cajoling, inspiring the famous to follow his every thought, deed, and thought about deeds.
You might think such a strategy would fall on fallow ground. You might think that stars wouldn't dream of following some bald chap who is clearly desperate to clutch onto the very hem of their coattails in order to experience just a little of their adulation. You might think, therefore, that your knees are made of fungus and your brain is built from the bricks of an old English bridge.
You see, Krivicka has already succeeded in persuading the perhaps the greatest "American Idol" judge of all time, Ellen DeGeneres, to follow him on Twitter. He made her a simple hand-drawn animation piece and she seems to have been moved. Which leads to the second part of Whoisthebaldguy's strategy.
Should any stars choose to follow him, he then makes them a personalized "thank you" YouTube video.
As is true on "American Idol," securing Ellen's favor has proved not to be enough.
Krivicka has decided he needs more of the twitterati to follow his every meal, his every thought and his every reference. So you will, perhaps, notice that there is much enthusiasm and faith behind personalized sites such as jimmyfallonpleasefollowmeontwitter.com, the indispensable ashtonkutcheryoushouldtotallyfollowmeontwitter.com and the very beautiful alyssamilanopleasefollowmeontwitter.com.
Will Jimmy Fallon be flattered? Will Alyssa Milano be moved? Will Ashton Kutcher be kutchered? One can only wonder just how long it will take Krivicka to tug at the locks of the upper echelon sufficiently in order to be admitted to their inner sanctuary. Because if you're not someone on Twitter, you're no one.