It's Monday. The day when you might be feeling grumpy about your lover, your kids, your boss or the fact that your trousers and your stomach have become incompatible.
Please let me tell you then, that there is only one thing wrong with your life: you just weren't clever enough to adopt a miserable-looking cat.
You see, there's something about miserable-looking cats that makes people feel uncontrolled emotions. So much so thatwas alleged this morning to have earned in the region of $100 million. Of course that's not true, but stay with me for a while. Its owner isn't poor.
The Express reported the figure. Grumpy's owner, 28-year-old Tabatha Bundesen of Morristown, Ariz., was quoted as saying she's overjoyed about Grumpy's success.
The Express also quoted her as saying: "I was able to quit my job as a waitress within days of her first appearance on social media and the phone simply hasn't stopped ringing since." She described Grumpy ascent to stardom as "unstoppable." And Grumpy's still less than 3 years old. So the future is unlikely to be catastrophic.
It's unclear, though, which part of Grumpy's vast performance portfolio -- the pictures, the personal appearances, the sponsorships and, well, the pictures -- has earned her the most money.
Bundesen has told The Huffington Post that the $100 million figure is "wildly inaccurate." The miserable-looking little thing is, though, something of a money-spinner.
Grumpy's real name is Tardar Sauce. She looks the way she does because she has feline dwarfism, as well as an underbite.
She has more than 7 million likes on Facebook. Justin Bieber, however, has more than 72 million. She has more than 256,000 followers on Twitter. Bieber has more than 57 million. Forbes estimates that Bieber made around $80 million last year.
So the $100 million might just have been exaggerated, say, 10 times over. I contacted Grumpy's people to ask what the correct figure might be and will update, should I hear.
On social media, Grumpy's pronouncements aren't especially grumpy. In fact, there's no real evidence that Grumpy is grumpy at all. She's an actor who, like so many in Hollywood, doesn't need to act. And she has a long career ahead of her, as she'll likely never need Botox.
Why do people love her? Because she's ugly-but-cute? Or because she reflects a certain existential angst that so many people feel deep inside? I suspect the latter.
Her success is now so profound and widespread that she's starring in a new Lifetime movie: "Grumpy Cat's Worst Christmas Ever." Will this make her, say, $100 million? I have severe doubts.
After all, who ever made $100 million out of being grumpy? A short-selling economist, perhaps?
For those who just want more, below is CNET's one-on-one with Grumpy Cat. Let's just say she lives up to her name.