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Google's first two TV ads for exciting Moto X: Amazingly dull

Google releases two ads for the phone that isn't really about features. These ads feature...features. Like, for example, the camera.

His head hurts. iDroidSpot/YouTube screenshot by Chris Matyszczyk/CNET

I have barely slept all night for wondering which color my new Moto X phone should be.

If I decide to buy one, that is.

Will it be bamboo green to match my furniture? Or royal blue to coincide with the birth of Prince George?

I expected, therefore, that Google would release some new pulsating ads to help me. Instead, they're oddly muted affairs.

The phone that's about personalization and humanity is settling for waving a couple of features in front of your face.

In one case, your hungover face.

A man is in bed. He's beautiful, but a touch the worse for wear. So he begs his always-on Moto X for another 20 minutes sleep.

His Moto X servant, who sounds remarkably like a moonlighting Siri, obliges. Because that's what a servant who follows you around all the time, just waiting to hear you say "OK, Google Now" does.

The other ad features the Moto X's camera. Which some might find a little odd, given than Nokia this week launched its very fine Lumia 1020. Few dispute that the Lumia has the best cell phone camera ever made.

Some would even offer that the Moto X has more than a passing physical resemblance to the Lumia.

However, Moto X would like you to know that you will have "Fewer Photo Fails." Which seems a touch unambitious. "You'll fail less often" isn't something that makes the heart leap. Unless, perhaps, you're an actuary.

This is an odd way to launch your new world order.

Where's the big statement of intent? Where are the feelings that Google has worked so hard at engendering in other areas of its offering?

Perhaps, after yesterday's slight debacle over dirty jokes in the first online presentation of the product (Yes! A "he said, she said" joke -- see below -- AND a penis joke), there are still some discussions going on between Google and its ad manipulators.

Oh, they didn't make a whole "he said, she said" TV spot did they?

Really. Motorola