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Google patents making you funnier than you really are

Google is awarded a patent that turns your boring old Facebook status update into a truly funny comic strip. Well, hopefully.

So then she said: "I'm pregnant!!" Joel Moritz/YouTube screenshot by Chris Matyszczyk/CNET

When I think of humor, I think of Eric Schmidt.

No, no. I'm not trying to be funny. He is. He said so once to Stephen Colbert.

So it is as surprising to me as eyebrow tremors on a first date that Google has been granted a patent to make you funnier.

Laugh all you like, but US Patent 8621366 makes Google the sole repository for turning your lifeless Facebook updates into a vivid comic strip.

I am grateful to Geekwire for unearthing this bold- and straight-faced land grab for the Island of Humor.

Not too many details have been revealed, but the idea is to give you a "simplified user interface" so that you can embed your little cartoon on your selected social-networking site or, presumably, intimate, late-night philosophical chat site.

The lovely thing about comic strips is that they allow for a multitude of extreme actions and emotions to be expressed in an innocent manner.

You might use your new Googlestrip to admit that you've left your spouse for a costume designer in Reno or that you accidentally ran over the neighbor's dog as you reversed out of your driveway. SPLAT!

Equally, you might use it to express this incredibly funny thing that just happened to you, which isn't really funny unless you were there, but can be made to seem more funny by virtue of you being represented by a few exaggerated lines and an oddly caricatured face.

The possibilities are even more endless than budget debates.

I feel sure that Facebook will attempt to mimic -- I mean, improve upon -- this highly humorous idea.

Indeed, it would be a dream for some to see Mark Zuckerberg compete with Eric Schmidt and Larry Page in a competitive comedy open-mic night.