I've always been a little suspicious of the Scout movement.
The uniforms. The slightly too correct and frightfully ancient hairstyles of some of the senior members. The Scout Promise that gets boys to promise: "To keep myself physically strong, mentally awake, and morally straight." And gets every girl to declare she will: "respect myself and others, respect authority, use resources wisely, make the world a better place, and be a sister to every Girl Scout."
Now these strangely clothed beings have gone a little too far. They have trampled upon Wild Freeborn.
Wild Freeborn is not some secluded territory in the depths of North Carolina. Wild Freeborn is an 8-year-old Girl Scout from the depths of North Carolina.
Her task in these economically difficult times was to sell 12,000 boxes of Girl Scout cookies. Enough, surely, to cause a significant depletion in the population of North Carolina. But let's not inflate that.
Because Wild Freeborn decided to use a little wild, free enterprise. She went to her Dad--no, not Axl, but Bryan--and asked him to help her achieve this monstrous goal. Bryan is a Web designer. Bryan loves his daughter.
So her helped her make a YouTube video in which she coined the memorable line: "Buy cookies--they're yummy."
She sold 700 boxes (at $3.50 each, in case you were wondering).
Of course, there was just one tiny, strangely dressed problem: The Girl Scouts of the USA. Specifically, the fact that the group bans Internet sales.
A representative for the Girl Scouts, Denise Pesich, told NBC's "Today" show: "We want to make sure that whatever the girl is doing is integrated into the program that she's studying. We want to make sure we are in the development stages of a technological platform that will integrate it and be fair and equitable for all girls. But more importantly, it's girl safety at its core."
Pesich acknowledged that she had no fears for Wild's safety because her father was overseeing her effort but insisted she couldn't guarantee it would be the same with all children.
Haven't you ever seen little girls selling cookies with no adults in sight? I certainly have.
Bryan Freeborn believes he and Wild were doing nothing wrong as they were limiting their orders to buyers in their immediate area, so that they could deliver them personally.
"The whole intent was to help my daughter meet her goals, utilizing up-to-date marketing principles," he told the morally straight Matt Lauer of NBC.
But up-to-date is surely not a phrase one could readily attach to all of these scouty people. So now Wild Freeborn is faced with having to sell 12,000 boxes of cookies the old-fashioned way: standing outside supermarkets, staying physically strong, remaining mentally awake, and annoying people into submission. Can this really be "using resources wisely"?
Suddenly, I have decided to give up cookies for Lent. Except Google's, of course. Everyone loves Google's.