I feel like that nice objective judge in the Pirate Bay case.
Ever since I set eyes on the wondrous sight of Barry Bonds, I have felt some bizarre commitment toward the San Francisco Giants. Sometimes I even give them money.
However, I must tell you that Giants pitchers have been involved in two separate but equally troubling Twittering incidents.
The first that came to my attention involved closer Brian Wilson. Wilson seems like a fine chap. He comes into the 9th inning of games and tries to throw very fast balls past tired batters, none of whom has ever tried Human Growth Hormone.
However, late on Saturday night he seems to have tweeted that he was clubbing in Arizona. According to the San Francisco Chronicle, these tweets involved Wilson suggesting he was having to deal with 'overaggressive males'.
I've seen "Bull Durham." I've seen "Major League." And I wouldn't necessarily expect young handsome baseball players to be bound into chain hotel rooms with the remote in their hands and the benefits of pay channels helping them get to sleep.
I expect them to deal with male overaggression from time to time. In some sense, it's their job. However, Wilson went out the next afternoon with a 4-1 lead and gave up hits as if they were autographs.The Giants lost 5-4.
Perhaps chastened by the experience, he then tweeted: "WARNING-do not take my twitters seriously, they are made up stories that reflect my humor."
Yes, indeed. Made-up stories. And what humor. But look where these supposed made-up stories have wrought. Brian Wilson's Twitter page is no more. His more than 3,000 followers are now sheep without a shepherd.
Which is not what one can say about Giants starting pitcher Barry Zito. He is still Twitterherd to a flock of almost 9,000. Zito is a cultured man. His tweets include quotes from Abe Lincoln. He uses words like "conglomeration." He is a Twitter friend with Alyssa Milano.
However, on Sunday he tweeted a picture of rutting gingerbread pigs. He even accompanied it with touching text: "These are real ginger bread pigs from an upscale pizza joint in LA. They got frisky, luckily I had the phone cam."
Oh, Barry, luck is sliding a curve ball past Manny Ramirez. Luck is hearing Curt Schilling saying something you actually agree with. Luck is not getting Mexican Gingerbread Pig Flu.
It isn't always easy being a San Francisco Giants fan. Just as it isn't always easy to tweet in the public gaze.