For years Game of Thrones was known for two things: blood and butts. Last week was all about , where plenty of blood was spilled. I think you know what that means for Sunday's episode, .
The show has matured (a little), and isn't so crash hot on regular, gratuitous nudity. But now that, it was quickly apparent that boning was on the minds of many.
The Last of the Starks, Game of Thrones' third last episode ever, was mostly concerned with sowing seeds of doubt about Daenerys, who looks like she could be en route to being The Mad Queen. The big takeaways are that one of Daenerys' dragons, Rhaegal, , Missandei of Narth is dead, and word of Jon Snow's true identity is spreading thanks to a certain Lady of Winterfell not being able to keep a secret.
But amid all that, fights were won and lost on the realest battlefield of all: the battlefield of the heart. Let's go through them all.
Gendry Baratheon: Savagely rejected
After a deeply, Gendry had one thing on his mind from the very beginning of this episode. As the victorious soldiers are feasting after the Battle of Winterfell, Gendry goes on the hunt to find Arya. He gets called out by The Hound for being so damn thirsty, and gets up to search for her.
Before he can leave the hall, though, Daenerys anoints him Gendry Baratheon, son of Robert Baratheon, Lord of Storm's End. This would be the highlight of young Gendry's night.
He finds Arya, who's "celebrating" by practicing her archery skills. He leans in to kiss her, professes his love for her and tries to woo her by announcing his newfound Lordship. He got on one knee and asked if she would like to be Lady of Storm's End. So, in other words, not only did he come on way too strong, he also made an offer that anyone who has talked to Arya for more than five minutes knows she would never possibly accept.
Arya gave him a pity kiss but swiftly rejected him. "That's not me," she said, calling back to a season one moment between herself and Ned Stark. Tough luck, Gendry. You made so many mistakes that not even I feel sorry for you.
Tormund Giantsbane: Savagely rejected
As thirsty as Gendry was, not even he could compare to Tormund Giantsbane. Y'know, the wildling chap who's been after Ser Brienne of Tarth since season 6 and who tried to charm her by regaling his. During the aforementioned feast at the episode's beginning, Tormund made one last attempt to win Brienne over.
Jaime and Tyrion Lannister were playing a drinking game with a merrier-than-usual Brienne. It was Tyrion's go-to "I'm going to make a guess about your past" drinking game, which he's been playing since season one. Everything is going well until Tyrion asks if Brienne is a virgin. It's around this time that Tormund rocks up.
Brienne, flustered by the impolite line of questioning (she's a knight!), excuses herself from the table. Tormund tries to follow her, but Jaime blocks his path and walks after her himself. Tyrion then fills Tormund's cup with wine. The ol' Lannister one-two punch.
Later in the episode, Tormund tells Jon that his business in "the south" is done and that he'll go back up north with his people. They bid their farewells, which presumably puts a wrap to Tormund's quest for Brienne.
Side note: Jon asked if Tormund would take Ghost, Jon's direwolf, up north with him. Tormund accepted. Jon then left for King's Landing without even patting Ghost goodbye. He is now public enemy number one.
Miscellaneous maiden: Savagely rejected
After Brienne bails from the frivolities, Tormund is comforted by a nice young lady who claims to not be scared of wildlings. The two walk off giggling, so Tormund's night wouldn't be all bad. But that fair maiden had a friend, and this friend had eyes on The Hound.
Ol' Sandor Clegane wanted none of it. He's more into drowning his sorrows via alcohol, and barked the woman away. Sansa came to sit with him, and he broodily told her that now he's only got one thing left to do.
TL;DR: The Hound is only interesting in one thing and it's f***** disgusting.
Jaime Lannister and Brienne of Tarth: Got some
Tormund didn't get to Brienne, but Jaime sure did. After Brienne excused herself from the drinking game, we later see her stoking a fire in her quarters. Jaime knocks on the door. They exchange some awkward pre-kiss banter ("it's kind of hot in this room, perhaps I should remove some layers") and proceed to disrobe.
If you've been shipping these two since season 3, then this is the moment you've been waiting for. But it didn't last long, as the show moves on to the next scene before too much skin is exposed.
That wouldn't be it, though. Later in the episode Jaime is informed that Daenerys is about to burn down King's Landing. He tries to sneak out of Winterfell while Brienne is sleeping, but she wakes up and confronts him. She implores him to be the good man that he is, and to not return to King's Landing to fight for his sister.
He recounts his Cersei Lannister-related misdeeds, which include but are not limited to crippling a small child, and says he's just as hateful as her. Then he rides off, either to get back with her or murder her. The wording was kind of unclear.
The whole ordeal left Brienne in tears. Say what you will about him, but Tormund wouldn't have done that.
Jon and Dany: Double rejection
Jon and Daenerys are on the rocks. Things are not good in auntie town. Tormund and various miscellaneous soldiers were touting Jon's heroism from last episode a little too heartily for Daenerys' liking, so she goes to see him in his room, setting up a scene that featured the elusive double rejection.
They make out briefly, and then we see Jon get the "oh, that's right, you're my auntie" look. He shies away. Rejection number one.
Jon's identity comes up. He swears that he's loyal to her, that she is his queen. Jon says he won't tell anyone that he's really Aegon Targaryen -- except for Arya and Sansa. She demands he doesn't do that, because word will spread and people will realize he's the true heir to the throne.
Jon says that Arya and Sansa are his family, and that they can all live together happily with Daenerys. Daenerys, before walking off in a huff, says the only way that can happen is if he keeps the truth to himself. (Spoiler: He does not keep the truth to himself.)
She took his rejection and shot it right back at him. Wasted, Jon Snow. Absolutely wrecked.
Poor Grey Worm
Definitely the biggest loser in the game of love way Grey Worm. Our sweet Grey Worm.
The Unsullied and Tyrion are sailing their way to King's Landing, with Daenerys flying her dragons above. Out of nowhere, Rhaegal gets shot out of the sky by Euron Greyjoy. Euron has a fleet of his own, with which he barrages the Unsullied. Not only did Rhaegal die, but Missandei was captured.
At the episode's end, Tyrion, Daenerys and some Unsullied stand outside King's Landing. Cersei, Euron and The Mountain stand atop a pillar, with Missandei as their prisoner. They demand Daenerys surrender immediately or Missandei is dead. Tyrion tries to reason with Cersei. He says she's not a monster, that neither Cersei or her unborn child needs to die and that she should surrender.
That goes over poorly. We see many dramatic closeups of Cersei's scornful rictus. She asks if Missandei has any last words. Just one: "Dracarys." The the Mountain slices Missandei's head clean off. Grey Worm is devastated. The episode ends with the image of a disturbed, enraged Daenerys.