Scrolling LED Badge
Spotting single people can be easy. They're usually the ones with the bad skin, questionable dress-sense and facial injuries caused by falls from the ugly tree. />
People who are 'teh hotness' usually steer clear of these folk, but what if you're a single geek who happens to look semi-normal? Getting noticed can still be difficult, so what better way to say 'hey, I'm single' than with a scrolling LED badge that says 'hey, I'm single'?
These Scrolling Badges are the very definition of the peacock theory and can be programmed with whatever message you want -- though we wouldn't recommend 'desperate and alone'. They have a 6,024 character limit, have on-board speed adjustment and like all the best toys for single folk, they run off batteries.
Snap one up from Boys Toys for £24.95.
Kissing Love Detector
Once the lady/bloke of your dreams has fallen for your innovative LED badge, it's time for phase two: serious face sucking. If the object of your affection gets all old-skool and demands to get to know you before exchanging saliva, simply whip out the Kissing Love Detector.
This gadget is designed to help you find out whether the chick/dude on the end of your lips is the one for you. Before engaging in physical contact, simply remove it from the packaging, hold it between forefinger and thumb (get your potential love match to do the same) then get to kissin' or huggin' -- it's all in the name of research, innit.
If she/he's the one, it'll glow and play music (possibly Push It by Salt-N-Pepa). A buzzer will sound if you're not a match -- at which point you can count yourself lucky for the free snog.
This is available from Boys Toys for £9.
So the Scrolling LED Badge and Kissing Love Detector have worked a treat and you're in a taxi en route to your place, admirer in tow. Things are looking up, but there are still obstacles to overcome: the frosty British weather and chilled bottle of wine have made your hands cold -- a fact that threatens to ruin your evening.
That's where the Hot Heart comes in. Click the tab and it instantly heats up, warming your hands for up to 30 minutes -- you're now ready for some hot lovin'.
The Hot Heart costs £4 from Boys Toys.
Sonic Boom Alarm Clock -- The Love Version
Date left before you had a chance to go all Romeo on her? Them's the breaks, pal -- you either got it or you ain't. You can always try again next Valentine's Day, but in the meantime there are 365 days of waking up cold and alone to contend with.
Those without a partner to wake up next to may want to take a look at the Sonic Boom Alarm Clock -- The Love Version. It's pink and shaped like a heart, but the main selling point is a bed vibrator add-on that gently pulsates until you're wide awake. This sounds like so much fun we're not sure why you'd actually want to get up.
It's available from US site ThinkGeek for $40 (£20).
Our final Valentine's Day recommendation for single folk is arguably the best of the bunch -- but it isn't one you'll want to shout about. The Virtual Girlfriend or Virtual Boyfriend is a Tamagotchi-style device that lets you date up to eight virtual men and women simultaneously.
These virtual partners demand attention just like their real-world counterparts. You'll have to take them on virtual dates, buy them virtual presents give them virtual compliments and tell them that their virtual bums don't look big in those virtual jeans. The more satisfied they are, the more points you collect and the longer the relationships last.
If you get lucky, things can get a little risqué. And, if your date gets all neurotic and begins asking pointless questions like "we've been going out for three years and I still don't know where you live", you can always press the reset button and start again.
The Virtual Boyfriend and Virtual Girlfriend are available from Lastminute.com for £20. -RR