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Ellen DeGeneres reveals Beats Music Super Bowl spot (featuring her)

DeGeneres decides to reveal the Beats Music Super Bowl ad (featuring her) on her show. Of course she gives an LG G Flex phone with Beats to all her audience members.

GoldiBeats? The Ellen Show/YouTube screenshot by Chris Matyszczyk/CNET

I hardly slept all night, for fear I'd miss the big reveal.

No, not the live-cam of Atlanta's streets slowly melting. This was far more important. Ellen DeGeneres would be revealing her new Beats Music Super Bowl ad. Yes, on her show.

I know that Super Bowl ads aren't supposed to be revealed until the game itself. But that's so analog.

In any case, as you know, Thursday was DeGeneres' birthday, so she can do what she wants. So she did.

In this opus, Ellen doesn't pretend to be cool (I hope). Instead, she is Goldilocks in search of the perfect music playlist.

Because that's what a modern Goldilocks would do.

What transpires won't, I fear, make Beats any cooler. It's (hopefully) not intended to. The brand that currently enjoys the ears of Kevin Garnett and Colin Kaepernick needs to appeal to all the family with this music service through AT&T.

Hence here is Ellen dancing with a group of bears who don't seem to hail from Chicago.

I fancy this won't be anyone's best of Super Bowl lists come the hungover Monday morning.

But Ellen knows how to make people happy. She's watched Oprah for years.

So on her show, she gave all her adoring cubs an LG G Flex phone on which to load their favorite Beats.

How very DeGenerous.