HolidayBuyer's Guide

Eight ways to turn your Nano into a weapon

Apple computers. Apple iPods. Apple...weaponry? Excuse me?

Enter ex-Marine Brad Collum, who thought up eight unusual ways to murder someone using an iPod Nano. His humorous suggestions were rounded up and published in a column in the journal McSweeney's.

Who knew the little device could be so dangerous? Apparently, Collum did, or maybe his aggressive side made him see the Nano in a new light. Either way, we found his suggestions hilarious. Some of Collum's methods are rather graphic, so here are some of the tamer ones.

•  Try shining the reflective part into someone's eyes while he's driving (or operating heavy machinery). The light will either be blinding or distracting. Regardless, it will be deadly.

•  If you find yourself with more resources than just your iPod, as well as a lot of time, dig a hole, find about 15 sticks and sharpen the top of each. After sticking the sticks in the ground, pointing upward, across the diameter of the hole, lay a bed of leaves and branches, placing the iPod Nano as bait in the middle. Then watch for entertainment. This may not necessarily kill the enemy, in which case, you may be forced to run.

•  Should your enemy be enamored with tea, try rubbing the contents of a tea bag with the Nano's battery (after breaking into the device). The tea will then be poisonous, and you can return the contents of the bag so the next unfortunate person to drink the tea will be killed.

•  Employ the Nano's intended purpose as a music player and place the Carpenters' song "We've Only Just Begun" onto the Nano. Subsequently, you may offer the enemies your iPod, insisting they listen to the song 100 times, on repeat. Apparently that has the power to kill.