I'd like to tell you how to attract women.
They're not interested in whether you're witty, Mitty, or have more bucks than a couple of Zucks.
What women really, really want is a man who has a new gadget that takes secret photographs of them.
It's worked for me countless times. The courts have acquitted me on several occasions. No, wait. What I mean is that Samsung has just released an ad to say that women are moved by the action on your wrist.
This is especially true -- and I am quoting Samsung here -- when you are constrained by "thick clothing and equipment." No, not at an S&M fancy dress party, but on the ski slopes.
Here we have the classic tale of two men vying for the girl. One is, to quote the marketing, Geared Up. The other is clearly in reverse.
As soon as Jack, our hero, flashes his Gear at Aimee, she is entranced.
She gives him her phone number within seconds of espying his wrist. Every woman would, wouldn't she? Well, Jack did preface it with "Wanna see something cool?"
He follows this up by calling her and using the immortal opener: "Hey there, pretty lady."
When Jack proudly shows how he has taken surreptitious photos of Aimee, she doesn't pull out her cell phone and call the ski police. Instead, she is entranced by his interest.
Later, when they meet at a club, Jack puts on more Gearful moves that leave Aimee as mere putty for his charms. His rival, meanwhile, also at the club, drops a wine glass when trying to answer his phone the old-fashioned way.
You might find this a believable tale of an advanced present, in which the suave, Bond-like nature of our hero's tech makes him irresistible.
Or you might find this a spectacularly gauche justification for a product that has, as yet, not enough fans to be making a social impact.
In order to help you decide, I suggest you go to a bar tonight, walk up to someone gorgeous and whisper: "Hey there, pretty lady, wanna see something cool?" and see how far that gets you.