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Colbert explains why iPad is just like the iPhone

The man who first revealed the iPad at the Grammys declares that the new phenomenon is just like the iPhone because you can't make calls with it. He also decimates the Kindle.

"Never mind how I got it. I had two kidneys," said Stephen Colbert in his second brilliant, spontaneously QVC-ish iPad pitch, which aired on "The Colbert Report" Thursday night.

The seriously committed, or those who should be, will remember that Colbert was first seen producing an iPad from inside what might well have been a specially made jacket pocket at the Grammys. Thursday, on his show, he claimed everyone was raving about the magical revolution.

Newsweek, he declared, loved the iPad so much it made it the "first non-Obama cover in 15 months." Yes, it's that exciting. And as if he were channeling his inner Justin Long, Colbert took the opportunity to deride the sheer, well, black-and-grayness of Amazon's Kindle, the poor product that actually has to pay for ads in Newsweek.

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Because this is meta-meta-meta advertising, Colbert couldn't allow himself not to make fun of the iPad too, as the mark of any lovable character or brand is its ability to laugh at itself. At least a little. (Which is an area Microsoft brilliantly wandered into with its Gates/Seinfeld ads, then sadly withdrew at the first waft of criticism.)

Colbert explained that if you have an iPhone, you will be familiar with many of the iPad's features, such as "you can't make calls with it." It is also excellent for creating finely chopped salsa, something he proved with some aplomb.

With Apple having already inserted the iPad into another critically correct show, ABC's "Modern Family," the company's understanding of media, image, and the heightened reality of its product design seems of a different quality than that of its competitors.

And, should you be concerned, Colbert was truly thrilled that he only had to lose one kidney to secure one of Steve Jobs' new creations. There is, after all, an iPad app that filters urine.