Frito-Lay's Cheetos snack food is bypassing the usual red, green, silver and white colors of the holidays and instead painting the season in a screaming hue of orange.
Browsing the Cheetos Store is like stepping into a weird alternate reality where snack foods have infiltrated every aspect of your life. Think of it as "Orange Mirror" rather than "Black Mirror."
The Cheeteau Perfume is allegedly "crafted from hand-extracted cheese oils taken from only the rarest Cheetos® and carefully mixed by hitting the blender's ON button." Just keep in mind that you're signing up to smell like a giant walking Cheeto.
Colour de Cheetos bronzer is actually an orange face paint that will make you look like you fell asleep with your head in a bag of Cheetos. The bronzer comes with some specific usage instructions which include keeping it indoors in cool conditions in a dry, dust-free environment. You probably shouldn't taunt it, either.
The products only ship to the US, so international buyers are fortunately out of luck. If you do blow $99 on a "Lounge Paw" chair, be prepared to live with both buyer's remorse and your new bright-orange, paw-shaped seating. All orders are final, and that includes the one-off $20,000 orange-sapphire-and-diamond Eye of the Cheetah earrings and ring.
Other items include an orange roll of paw-imprinted toilet paper, a dainty men's bathing suit, an oven mitt, a Cheetos-shaped sleeping cap, and a comparatively sedate-looking silk scarf.
As far as publicity stunts go, the Cheetos Store certainly commits to the madness. The orange, cheese-flavored madness.