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Charlie Sheen's 'Big White Phone'

Actor Charlie Sheen's live Ustream feed wasn't anything to write home about. It ended on an interesting note, though, with a reading from a book by Sheen.

Actor Charlie Sheen's live Ustream feed from Sherman Oaks, Calif., last night was uneventful. Though it was punctuated at the end by a reading of one of his poems, "The Big White Phone." No, it's not that white phone.


I don't think I need to point out that Sheen rocketed to fame at an early age after appearing in movies like "Platoon" and "Wall Street" and, most recently, in the TV series "Two and a Half Men."

"Sheen's Korner" began around 7 p.m. yesterday with a predictable preamble. "From my big beautiful warlock're either in Sheen's Korner or with the trolls."

At that point followers were well over 110,000. But the hour dragged on. Why do I say dragged? How many times can you repeat "winning, duh?" Or how interesting can a "winning" vignette about a bald eagle crashing into a windshield, then recovering, be, and keep it interesting?

The Ustream audience dropped off over the hour until it leveled off somewhere above 80,000.

For viewers who stuck around to the end (I was one, living not far from Sherman Oaks, I had to watch), they got a deeper look into the self-proclaimed warlock brain. One commentator on Fox News Watch yesterday went so far to compare Sheen's ramblings to Beat Generation poet Allen Ginsberg. (And let's not forget William Burroughs: Sheen's writing may actually be more similar to Burroughs' than Ginsberg's.)

I'll let you decide. Here are some excerpts of a "poem" that he read from his book "A Peace of My Mind."

The Big White Phone. "In the twisted times of a running game where flood waters raised coffins from pain, where the worms of freedom have all gone insane, I plucked them or sucked them from the heart of my brain."

More? "When leaders ring true in the eye of the mass, their blood turns cold blue while their dogs eat the grass." It ends with a reference to the "the big white phone." To hear the poem in its entirety, fast forward to the 49:00 mark here.

That said, Sheen's Korner needs work. I'll resist plucking any low-hanging fruit about Sheen's frame of mind. Suffice to say, his Hollywood heritage wasn't reflected in the disjointed, insipid feed. My advice? Lose the friends and hangers-on and focus on that Warlock Brain.