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Bosses' big fear? That employees will film them

A survey suggests that bosses are paranoid that employees will upload inappropriate videos to company networks or film them in slightly less than perfect situations and then post the videos to the network.

A metaphorical depiction of what it would be like to catch a boss in a compromising situation. Chris Matyszczyk/CNET

Your boss might sometimes show contempt for you. But secretly, he's scared of you.

It's not so much that he thinks you're far more talented than he is. His vast, overbearing ego wouldn't even allow that thought to enter the heavenly gates of his mind.

No, he's scared you might use your new technological tools to make naughty videos -- the worst of which would be to secretly film him with his metaphorical pants down and then post the footage for public delectation.

I am not making this up. For I have been given advance notice of the results of Qumu's Business Video Behavior Project. You might not have heard of Qumu. It's a company that, stunningly, exists to ensure that business video is transmitted securely.

It's also a company that, last year, revealed half of all Americans rather like the thought of being cell phone spies.

This time around, Qumu surveyed bosses, more than half of whom apparently confessed that their big fear wasn't economic collapse or the unexpected introduction of collective farms, but unauthorized video content being uploaded to the company network.

Naturally, you might suspect that the questions in the survey were very slightly skewed. And yet, 12 percent of these highly placed respondents declared they were very, very afraid of what their employees could generate, filmically, during company parties.

For the means of production and distribution have now been placed by carefree techies into the hands even of the resentful lifer in the mail room.

As Communism proved only too well, paranoia is a wonderful -- and very economical -- tool. What might amuse some from the coalface is that when the bosses were asked if they'd ever seen a potentially disastrous video uploaded to their company network, a mere 100 percent said they hadn't.

But they're scared, people. They're scared what you might do with your little video tools. They're scared that you might catch them, film them, embarrass them, and therefore destroy them.

Being a boss is far less fun than the powerful make it seem. It's a constant pulsating fright that someone will take the business-class flights; long, delectable lunches; motorbike rides with the brand-new (and very blonde) supply manager; and highly merited bonuses away from you.

These days, all it takes is a little iPhone, discreetly set to video, to send your boss permanently back to suburbia. Please use that power wisely.