'Ello 'ello 'ello. Greater Manchester Police is tweeting every 999 call for 24 hours to demonstrate the type of problems officers are called upon to deal with on a daily basis. The initiative is designed to "raise awareness of the complexity of policing. There are a lot of social problems we deal with as well as crime," according to one of the accounts.
GMP is tweeting at twitter.com/gmp24_1, gmp24_2 and gmp24_3. The feeds offer a fascinating insight into the litany of abandoned cars, dogs on motorways and accidental 999 calls that flood police every day. Actual crime is in there too, as well as assisting members of the public in various ways.
Like episodes of The Bill compressed into 140 characters, some of the tweets have a compelling narrative: call 384 involves "man holding baby over bridge - police immediately attended and it was man carrying dog that doesn't like bridges".
Here's a selection of our favourites:
"Call 609 unathorised use of a catalogue account in Bolton"
"Call 666 Theft of electricity in Salford"
"Call 664 Man calls to say locked out of house. Wants police to break in for him, Bolton"
"Call 634 Confused woman reporting her cat missing due to neighbour involvement"
"Call 674 Confused man reporting his TV not working"
"Call 365 Request for advice about an unwanted guest" -- to which James Harrison suggests "book the taxi during the cheese course".
"Call 567 Woman reporting somebody putting a video on her YouTube site"
Fortunately, it's not all bad news:
"Call 437 Missing teenager returned home in North Manchester"
There are some interesting figures in amongst the mundanity:
"Since midnight we have had around 22 abandoned 999 calls"
"Custody update: 22 arrests since 7am"
The initiative has even secured that barometer of success: a spoof Twitter account. gmp24_7 offers such satirical insights as "Call 21 Enquiry into whether we wanted cheaper long-distance phone calls". The real cops take a dim view of parody, however, informing the spoof tweeter that they are in breach of copyright.
The tweets will continue until 5am tomorrow. You can see all related tweets under the #gmp24 hashtag.