There's no sucking up here. None.
This is just blind admiration coming before a sudden relationship and marriage. You've surely experienced it. You just feel it in your gut that this is the one. Before lo can behold, it is.
Please admire, then, the new ad from Beats By Dre.
It features, quite naturally, a famous personality. This time, it's Brazilian soccer star Neymar, who's small, quite pretty, and very talented. Not unlike Apple's iPhone, you might muse.
Actually, the ad features other famous players, such as Dutchman Robin Van Persie, France's Bacary Sagna, Uruguay's Luis Suarez, and Spain's Cesc Fabregas. As well as Serena Williams. And, um, Nicki Minaj.
It's a vast anticipatory celebration of the World Cup. All brands that think they're cool must do this. Otherwise they're, well, not cool.
But let's focus on Neymar. He has lovely Beats SOLO2 headphones in blue. He's not going to match those with a bright pink iPhone 5C, is he?
He should, though, match them with some sort of iPhone. After all, though this ad must have been made before the Apple/Beats deal was announced, there was already that deep mutual attraction and something of a relationship.
So what else could be the pairing other than an iPhone 5S? In gold, of course, and in close-up. Just like the World Cup trophy that might soon be in Neymar's hands.
"In the heart of the jungle," the lyrics roar.
Yes, if you are in the heart of the jungle, which has so many dangers, you need the right symbols to ward off allegations that you have no style.
In this case, Neymar's dad exhorts him to "wear God's armor."
I'm not sure if he's specifically suggesting that Beats headphones married with a gold iPhone 5S are part of God's armor, although he does refer to the armor as everything "from the helmet to the sandals."
Are the Beats headphones Neymar's helmet? They're teasingly left linked to the iPhone, as the star goes out to battle.
For those whose innards burn at the thought of the World Cup, this makes for pulsating viewing. You want to turn the music up and prepare your emotions for the glory, the agony, and the fakery.
Some might observe that, despite the presence of an iPhone in the ad, noted Samsung endorser LeBron James also appears.
"He heard about the commercial. He wanted to be in it," Beats Chief Marketing Officer Omar Johnson told Ad Age.
Now that's the power of cool.