Ex-FIFA official references Onion article in self-defense on Facebook

Technically Incorrect offers a slightly twisted take on the tech that's taken over our lives.

Few were surprised when a number of high-ranking FIFA executives were indicted on corruption charges last week.

Even fewer were surprised when the organization's president, Sepp Blatter, offered a wide-eyed innocence in a press conference.

World soccer's governing body is, indeed, the Church of the Blatter Day Saints.

Some members of the church, however, might be clinging onto their innocence a little too blindly. Former FIFA Vice President Jack Warner was one of those detained by authorities -- in his case, by the US Justice Department.

He's not happy. I know this because he took to his own Facebook page to launch a misguided missile in his defense.

It's interesting that on his Facebook page he describes himself as a politician. Indeed, his party is called the Independent and Liberal Party. Perhaps that's why he has an extremely liberal interpretation of what is news.

During his 8-minute mea-non-culpa, Warner accused the US of conspiracy. He held up a printed version of an article headlined: "FIFA Frantically Announces 2015 Summer World Cup In United States."

You might not have heard about this move. Principally because this article was from the Onion's very fine Web site. (Should you somehow not be familiar with the Onion, it is satire.)

Perhaps Warner believes that everything on the Web is true. For he railed against the US, while clutching this "report."

He hissed that it was unconscionable that the US would claim it could host a "summer World Cup 2015, from the very same organization that they are accusing of being corrupt. That has to be double standards."

Funny things, standards. It's amazing how they can multiply before one's very eyes.

"The U.S. applied to hold the World Cup in 2022 and they lost the bid to Qatar -- a small country, an Arabic country, a Muslim country," he said. Yes, it did. Some suspect that it lost because it wasn't prepared to offer the sorts of bribes that others cheerily extended.

"Take your losses like a man," Warner hissed. This would be the opposite of "Take your ill-gotten gains like a sneaky little thief," I imagine.

Warner has since removed the original video and replaced it with the Onion skins peeled away.

He's not the first to have been fooled by something they found on the Web. He will not be the last.

However, if he cared to look around the online world more thoroughly, he might see that there aren't too many positive words being offered for the fine, upstanding gentlemen who have run FIFA for so many years.

Last night, for example, John Oliver offered further excoriation of FIFA's arrogant self-regard (video below). He mocked the fact that the FIFA officials had been arrested and then marched out behind white hotels sheets.

He said: "Hotel sheets are very much like FIFA officials. They really should be clean, but they're actually unspeakably filthy and everybody knows that."

Still, if you are going to defend yourself using references from the media world, it's best to consider your sources. Otherwise, people really will suspect that you're not quite what you claim to be.

There again, Warner claims to be a politician, so perhaps he's exactly what he claims to be.