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Apple sneers at laptops in new iPad Pro push

Commentary: In new ads, Cupertino chuckles at laptops because they're heavy and lack battery life.

Technically Incorrect offers a slightly twisted take on the tech that's taken over our lives.

Her laptop weighs heavy on her torso.

Apple/YouTube screenshot by Chris Matyszczyk/CNET

Laptops are terrible, awful, archaic things.

I conclude this from the latest round of iPad Pro ads released by famed laptop-maker Apple.

These ads continue a campaign in which Apple takes real people's whiny tweets and turns them into advertising gold. Or, depending on your perspective, coal.

In one of the new ads, a woman called Adriana complains that her laptop is heavy. Indeed, it weighs "5 million tons." Which is a lot.

"An iPad Pro only weighs a pound," declares the voiceover, offering incontrovertible fact to contrast with Adriana's manifest fake news. The iPad Pro also runs useful apps. That must be a weight off Adriana's mind.

A second ad features the torrid tale of someone with the handle @srboilers. She complains that her laptop died halfway through the flight.

This is a tragedy that has boiled the minds of many. Although not, perhaps, as great a tragedy as not being allowed to fly with your laptop at all, as has to be endured certain travelers from the Middle East.

The iPad Pro, intones the voiceover, has an all-day battery. This makes for much cheerier traveling experience. Unless you're in an aisle seat in coach, that is.

The final ad in this batch shows a woman called @Tal who can't get any work done in her dorm room. Her roommate has a study partner -- with whom she also enjoys carnal exploration while studying.

This, for some reason, makes Tal feel bad. So the helpful Apple voiceover suggests she buy an iPad Pro, put all her notes and textbooks on it and disappear anywhere she wants.

The picky might suggest that Tal could do the same thing with a laptop.

Indeed, Apple has tortured itself over the last while as to whether the iPad Pro is or isn't a laptop. Less than a year ago, it insisted that it was a laptop. Now it's saying that it's better than a laptop.

I look forward to revival of the competitive "Get A Mac"-style ads in which Apple pits the iPad Pro against the MacBook Air.

Technically Incorrect: Bringing you a fresh and irreverent take on tech.

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