Apple iPhone judged unfit for combat: Android goes to war

The Apple iPhone 4 is at the centre of a war between phone networks, but Steve Jobs' baby has been judged unfit for actual combat. The US military has decided the iPhone has flat feet compared to strapping Google Android phones. And the British government agrees, deeming the iPhone a security risk. Ten-hut!

The US military marked the iPhone '4F' while experimenting with military uses for smartphones. DoD Buzz reports that Boeing has experimented with a military app store, including apps to process and fingerprint detainees, call precision fire down on enemy positions, or make fart noises. Hoo-rah!

Apple's proprietary software and high cost of submitting apps ruled out the iPhone, with Android's open source platform looking more suited to the needs of the Army, Air Force and Marines. Oh, and there's the small matter of soldiers preferring physical buttons for when they're wearing gloves, holding weapons in their other hands, and generally having to deal with bigger problems than dropped calls.

Here in Blighty, Health Secretary Simon Burns revealed iPhones don't have the security chops to serve on her Majesty's Secret Service, in answer to a question from geek MP Tom Watson about which phones have been issued to government staff. CESG, the arm of GCHQ in charge of keeping government data safe, took a break from looking for laptops in the back of taxis to rule that only BlackBerry phones are safe for Whitehall work.

If the phone market really was a war, which war movie stereotype would each phone be? We see Windows Mobile as the officer who insists his men wear perfect uniform even as he sends them off to die. Who's the grizzled sergeant? The wacky explosives expert? The zen sniper? Quick march to the comments, troops!