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Amazon's new Kindle Fire ad: Beautifully dull

As it launches all its new Kindle excitements, Amazon releases an ad that entirely sums up the brand's ethos.

WorldWideTechScience/YouTube Screenshot Chris Matyszczyk/CNET

Amazon is like the inoffensive, reliable guy that women never fall in love with but often marry.

He's handy around the house. He does the shopping. He knows that if you like "50 Shades of Grey," you're likely to enjoy "51 Shades of Pink" -- or whatever the sequel is called.

So as the brand continues to eke out its nice, almost invisible reliability -- with sensible, affordable little tablets -- it might pretend that it's more exciting than it really is.

And yet, as it launched its new Kindle Fires today to a chorus of "Yes -- that looks quite good"s, the company also released a new ad.

You might imagine that the company inserted some magical, revolutionary chimes and whistles into it ad, in order to make the brand seem sexually alluring.

You might imagine that it would offer testimonials from famous people such as Tom Cruise and Sinead O'Connor, who whisper: "We got all our spouses delivered by Amazon."

But, no.

Here is an ad in which Amazon says: "We're really, really good at the boring stuff. And that's why you married us, isn't it?"

Revolution does get mentioned. The voiceover tells us that the company makes "the revolutionary routine."

So they'll even take something pulsating and turn it into something dull. Now that's talent.

"Our accomplishments are something you barely think about but can't imagine not having," continues the voice. Amazon is, indeed, "The Price Is Right."

Oh, they do try to invoke the moon landing and compare it to "connecting your mouse to your front door." One small step for a mouse.

"What once seemed wildly impractical is now completely normal," says the voice.

You didn't think you'd get planning permission for that greenhouse. But we helped you get it. So there.

It's all so deeply alluring in an unmarried chief accountant kind of way.

Very soon, though, a rakish little iPad might come by to tempt you into having an affair.