ACME Pundit Saws

ZDNet's David Berlind (he's the metrosexual!) trots out a classic saw of the lazy pundit and asks Is Apple getting dragged (kicking, screaming, or suing?) into licensing OS X?

Hey, Dave!

No!

Are humans just naturally driven to want what they cannot have?

Are ZDNet bloggers just naturally driven to make stupid posts about Apple?! Like moths are driven to a flame?! Or Wile E. Coyote is driven to jump up and down on the red X under the giant anvil the Road Runner just ran under until it inevitably smashes down on his head, crushing him into a humorous walking accordion?!

Berlind's post is even parenthetically stupid.

(God forbid you should attempt to acquire new audio online for your iPhone -- music, ringtones, etc -- through anything but the iTunes Music Store).

[BONK! BONK! BONK!] (The sound of antlers beating against a desktop.)

Ever heard of Amazon MP3, David? The Macalope's got a bunch of music from there on his iPhone right now! Plays just fine! As does music from any other store or indy that sells MP3s!

[mumble grumble curse word]

Berlind then dramatically cites the "evidence" that Apple will have to capitulate and license OS X: some d00d has hacked it to run on other hardware.

Seen it.

No one other than a hacker or petulant nerd in a suit jacket and trendy glasses wants to run OS X on unsupported hardware. Go ahead, David. Install it and give Apple a call and see what they say when your video card goes on the fritz or your sound goes out. The Macalope will wait.

It won't be a long conversation.

This is a side show. A nuisance. A mosquito buzzing around the bazillions of dollars in sales Apple is racking up with the Mac, the iPod and the iPhone.

But the best (worst?) evidence that Apple is losing the cat and mouse game with hackers is how the latest firmware update to the iPhone (1.1.2, now, finally being pushed through iTunes) is already "jailbroken."

And this relates to licensing OS X exactly how?

Oh, that's right! Not at all!

But it sounds relevant!

Perhaps Robert Scoble characterized Apple's enigmatic ecosystems best when...

And perhaps the horny one said it best when he said "The writings of Robert Scoble are like a thousand monkeys typing, short about 999 monkeys."

Back to OS X, perhaps its time for Apple to reconsider its Apple-hardware-only policy and once again look into licensing OS X.

Mmm, perhaps it's not.

And, compared to selling hardware, selling bits is like printing money.

Right. It's that easy! Because you never have to worry about hardware when you're making an operating system!

Huh?

Hey, the Macalope doesn't do it often, but he will give Microsoft credit for one thing: what it does to get Windows running on all those different machines is a pain in the ass. It's no wonder Apple doesn't want to get into that.

And what exactly is supposed to be so broken about what Apple's currently doing that it needs this glorious advice anyway? The company's already making so much money it might as well be printing it. Perhaps Berlind has Apple confused with some other company.

There's no question the demand is there.

That's right! Every jackasstic pundit in the world will line up to see Apple ditch its business model!

And I'll bet that, given some of the moves that have been made by desktop/notebook systems vendors like Dell in the area of Linux support, that they'd jump at the opportunity to bring OS X into the portfolio.

You are a master of the obvious, David. The Macalope will give you that.

Because, duh, Michael Dell said so himself. Two years ago.

But as the Macalope must apparently point out time and time again, just because a spotty, awkward teenager wants to have sex with a porn star, it doesn't mean it's going to happen.

Is it just the Macalope or do all posts on this particular topic read like letters to Penthouse Forum?

"Dear ZDNet, I go to a small midwestern college and I never thought Apple would allow me to run OS X on a Dell until..."

Apple could, if it wants, roll the program out on a limited basis.

Yeah, well, guess what? It doesn't want.

Now, please, please drop it. There are only so many different ways the Macalope can think of to write the same post refuting this terribly stupid idea.