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General discussion

Would you have done that to your daugther's laptop?

Feb 13, 2012 8:54AM PST

To give you some context to this poll, read this blog here:
Teen whines about parents on Facebook, dad shoots laptop

Would you have done what father Tommy Jordan did to his daughter's laptop?


-- Yes. (Shot the laptop? Or something else?)
-- No. (Why not? What would you had done differently?)
-- It depends. (Depends on what?)
-- I don't know; I'm not a parent yet. (Let's pretend you were, would you?)

Note: This post was edited by its original author to edit one of the selections on 02/14/2012 at 9:28 AM PT

Discussion is locked

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Not exactly
Feb 14, 2012 11:50AM PST

You do NOT have to even let her out of the house without being escorted by a parent. If you are with her all the time she can't get online. Taking away the laptop denotes the wrong message - it gives the child the impression that they will get it back. The gun was to ensure that the message was very clear - SHE IS NOT GETTING IT BACK. Parents should have the absolute right to full and unrestricted access to anything the kid does online and hold the social networking sites both civilly and criminally responsible if they let kids post private things.

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Charge the chil for the parental care and cost of the laptop
Feb 14, 2012 2:49AM PST

NO, definitely, counterproductive. Who paid for the laptop in the first place? Share? Give and take?
Why should the child be on Facebook in the first place? Would you let your child - stand still at a major cross road intersection? NB Suggestion do not use your smart phone to take pictures of your children: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N2vARzvWxwY

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Yes. - but something else
Feb 14, 2012 2:52AM PST

I cna see a father's anger getting stronger and stronger as things piled up. We do not know how long this foolishness has been going on. He did not verbalize her language (left out the improper words that kids often use). He did not say if she had gotten other punishment at other times so to say his response was not needed would be not founded in any sort of proof. The only things that we should take from his actions are:
He seems to be under control.
He, as of his post, did not harm his daughter (slap, spank or other physical punishment)
He got rid of the weapon she was using against them - her laptop.
Now, will that stop her posting? - not likely. Will it stop her resentment? - It will probably give her more fuel to add to her fire. Will it resolve any issue? - Time will tell.
What would I do in his place? Not knowing what he did before I would start with taking the laptop out of her possession. Then comes many talks, daily; chores would increase. I might even pay her and then charge her for the use of our possessions, food, light, heat, room and bed, waste management - all the things which she takes for granted. No matter how it goes, it sounds like a case of "Tough Love" is needed.

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I agree with you
Feb 14, 2012 3:10AM PST

I'm not a fighter - never have been, never will be. I was walked on for years by my daughter and ended up with horrible blogs written about me being a ***** and a terrible parent on MySpace. It's continued on Facebook and she's an adult. Have I wanted to bitchslap her? You bet. Would I like to shoot her computer? Oh yeah. Do I want her to grow the hell up? Sure do. I was told out of the blue just yesterday by a long time friend and past employer that I have been taken advantage of and treated horribly for years. This father did something I admire. Wish I had his guts.

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Depends
Feb 14, 2012 2:55AM PST

I think shooting the laptop is a little extreme, but understandable. I did have a couple questions. Hannah is 15, does she get an allowance? What we did with our kids was give them chores to do and we also gave them an allowance. The allowance was not for doing chores, but to give them spending money so they wouldn't have to constantly come to us for everyday items.

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I disagree
Feb 14, 2012 11:53AM PST

Posting it made a clear statement that insubordination will not be tolerated. Do you remember anything about the reason why there were public executions? Hmmm... Same principle here.
Donating is not a permanent solution - it just gives the problem to someone else to deal with. Kids do not need everyday items. If they did then the parents aren't doing their jobs. Giving kids money these days is a bad idea. They can use it for drugs or other bad things and you wouldn't know it.

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forgot something
Feb 14, 2012 12:04PM PST

Ok, say you gave your kid money as an allowance. Just what do you think they will use it for?
Pop? Chips? Candy? Junk food? Well, by your doing that you not only add to the global epidemic of diabetes and obesity, you make them junk food junkies and have to keep giving and giving to support their habit. They can give the money to someone else (a gangsta for example) so they can afford more sophisticated criminal activity. I have seen this too. The kids will shake you down for all your worth.
People that live in the 'burbs need to come to the ghetto and live there for about 10 years or so. You will QUICKLY learn why things you thought were good actually are very bad.

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Missed opportunity...
Feb 14, 2012 2:59AM PST

As the father of a pre-teen, I empathasize with the father. There is nothing more infuriating than having your child display the "attitude" of entitlement to (insert need here). I have been brought to the boiling point on multiple occasions as a result of this type of behavior.
However, I have learned that there is always an opportunity to use the situation as a learing moment for the child. When the father shoots the laptop, it likely felt very fulfilling - I would also suggest that there was a lot of remorse in the time that followed - Why did I do such a stupid thing? Why did I loose control? Why did I not use a more constructive way to deal with her? Why does she get to me like that?
After reading the blog, I too was incensed by the words. If it were my own daughter, I would also be very angry. Anger is not a bad thing - the challenge comes in how we react to the anger. Was he justified in being angry - Absolutely! Did he go over the top? I believe so. Are there other options he could /should have pursued - Definitely! Perhaps he could have used her response to discuss how a potential employer would respond, or to discuss the merits/challenges/inherant risk of using social media as your sounding board to the world.
I know this all sounds like Monday morning quarterbacking of the situation, however it is critical that we provide a good example to our childern if we are to have confidence that they will be able to grow into mature adults (some day).
Hopefully when the father gets old and is sitting in his wheelchair complaining about not getting something, that his daughter doesn't respond to his rants with a gun...

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reply to respect
Feb 14, 2012 3:00AM PST

I have read many of the responses and they provide some interesting ideas. If you have read or know about the "tiger mother" and the "french parenting" philosophies I think you find a common cord between them. Many American parents are afraid of upsetting their children thus we spoil them and fail to teach respect. This is a cultural item and not too many people are willing to buck the "culture". It used to be the parents " keeping up with the Joneses". Now it is the parents trying to "keeping their children ahead of the Joneses". If the adults chill out maybe the children will have a chance to chill out too. If you teach respect in a respectful way you will receive respect. I know, it is easy to preach, but, we have to start someplace.

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Shoot the laptop
Feb 14, 2012 3:23AM PST

Well said and very pertinent. Whom is in charge? The parent MUST be.

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Dunno about that
Feb 14, 2012 11:58AM PST

Parents DO NOT have to give their kids any form of respect nor should be required to. The parents are in charge and that is final. Just like if you went before a judge. Judges NEVER give respect to anyone. They rule and you better knuckle down. The reason parents are afraid of their children is because the social services morons will put the parents through the hassle of their life if the kid whines to the wrong person. I have personally seen it happen to several parents I know. If it came to that I would tell them to keep my kid. Let THEM deal with the problems. My kid knows this. If they want to be part of our family then they know who is boss and it's not them. Parents are supposed to have absolute authority over their kids, not some social worker who is anti-testosterone motivated.

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NO !
Feb 14, 2012 3:15AM PST

The gentleman's childishly arbitrary (you-hurt-me-so-I-hurt-you-more), threateningly sociopathic reaction (he should have his weapons permit(s) revoked !) to his daughter's "disrespectful" Facebook post, (to some degree, resultant from her up-bringing - partly HIS responsibility - and the divorce/remarriage - step-mom is mentioned). He is obviously acting vindictively and irrationally, evincing his own instability and cause for the daughter's attitude - be it justified or not. I doubt his claim of being a "professional" of any kind - let alone "I.T."...his demeanor and reaction to so minor a difficulty would have him looking for a job in short order. The girl may be whining about nothing, but this is not uncommon for teens, to whom every little speed-bump in life can seem an insurmountable wall, due largely to lack of experience (teens don't have a lot of that !) and / or parental guidance and leadership. Considering how badly this gent handled this situation, I can surmise his Daughter may be operating under poor conditions with less than the best example(s) to emulate. She doesn't get a free-pass, but he's a (pardon the expression) a "Red-Neck" A$$ ...................... NO, no,...Please don't SHOOT !!!

BOb

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way to go dad
Feb 14, 2012 3:17AM PST

NOW!!!!! That makes alot of sense???!! To teach a teenager, when frustrated simply act upon it with death engaging violence and people wonder why there are deadly incidents happening in our schools,this behavior is not inherent, it is learned and a major contributor is the at home environment.

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Would you have done this to your daughter's laptop
Feb 14, 2012 3:18AM PST

Phil_K5, I said no because I think there were other ways to handle this, take away all the toys including the laptop. But my beef if with your beef with Americans. Your society is not the same as ours, and believe me, most kids today are just too entitled, yet there are some of us yanks who believe that parent is the boss in the household and would never tolerate this kind of nasty disrespect by this little bratty girl. Teens don't know who they are and they don't like themselves or anyone else, yet blatant disrespect for a parent blasted to the whole world is way over the top. And not to be tolerated by a parent.

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Over the Top
Feb 14, 2012 8:16AM PST

While I understand the sentiments and empathize with the father He has missed an opportunity to show a good example. Shooting a bit of hardware is a demonstration of lack of control. Guns as self defense perhaps but this? An inappropriate use of the weapon and a waste of equipment. Thumbs up if he'd stopped his rant before the shooting.

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NO
Feb 14, 2012 3:21AM PST

I would not shoot an operable Laptop! between cost of caps n chinese plastics, id a just took er back. shoo man, took me from 1982 to 2009 to afford my first LT. Hate to see the waste but commend the thought. better to offer it to a charity than kill it

The gun is a cultural thing and most blue collor red necks get it, so for those who dont, thats alrite just leaves more lead fo me, pop a cap bro its lazy lay bon ton ruler (Laissez les bon temps rouler (lay-zay lay bon ton rule-ay )). Let the good times roll! fat Tuesday baby

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Translation
Feb 14, 2012 5:26AM PST

Uhhh.... could you put that in plain English please? I don't have a clue as to what you said in that post.

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Translation
Feb 14, 2012 12:08PM PST

You are probably under 30 years old and don't know what he said. But I dooooo! LOL

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LOL
Feb 14, 2012 12:07PM PST

I love your post! I don't agree with taking it back or donating it. Shooting it is a final solution. The shock value alone will go a long way with the kid. Sometimes it is better to waste something now than to pay to repair problems later. I REALLY like the cultural thing you posted!

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I would not have shot the laptop
Feb 14, 2012 3:23AM PST

I would have taken away laptop and internet privileges until she learned to EARN them back. I might have also considered donating the laptop to a charity if she failed to straighten up and fly right.

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What will He Shoot Next
Feb 14, 2012 3:32AM PST

If the father is crazy enough to shoot the laptop, what, or who else will he shoot next.
Local Sheriff better watch this one.

That's a warning sign of trouble.

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No I would not have shot the computer
Feb 14, 2012 3:33AM PST

Much as I would have liked to, there are laws here in Canada that forbid the discharge of a firearm wihin city limits. Even so, shooting the laptop is extreme, and publishing it on YouTube will alienate the daughter from her parents - big time! Maybe even forever.

Yes tough love is necessary, but in private - not public embarrassment and humiliation.

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re
Feb 14, 2012 5:21AM PST

I would have shot that sucker too, but I would have used a shotgun and some buckshot. More dammage done that way.

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Ummm...
Feb 14, 2012 12:13PM PST

Well, he could go outside the city limits. As far as alienation of the daughter - tough shitzkeyz. The parents job is to prepare the kid for adulthood. In absence of more information, we have to assume that the problem was extreme and the gun was a final solution. Public embarrassment and humiliation aren't extreme. Remember what Stocks were for? QUITE effective. She can hate her parents all she wants, but the PARENTS call the shots (no pun intended) - period. Who are we to judge if the father's actions were warranted or not? We do not have the right. The government does not have the right either.
Just another good reason to stay armed - to ensure the government doesn't enslave the people.

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Thrown it out of the window, maybe ...
Feb 14, 2012 3:37AM PST

... but this story just shows what owning a gun does to people. This is no way to resolve a conflict! What are you going to shoot next? The parking meter? The meter maid? Let me not go there!

This dad's reaction aside, what can we learn from the incident?

One: Putting it it in Facebook is telling the world. And I mean The World - that does indeed include dad! Never forget that, no matter how painful it is to get used to your sexual hormones when they first hit you. A youngish chap named Mark Zuckerberg is making ZILLIONS out of your need to run a diary in the public domain, but there was a reason why those old paper based "systems" had a little lock and key ...

Two: If you can't handle your offspring's criticism, don't listen in - this does not only apply to Facebook, by the way.

Three: Whatever happened to "count to ten before you react?" Right!

Four: If you are that trigger happy, rather don't own a gun, even in the "Land of the Free!" - Or, if you must assert your right to own one, keep it in the safe in your bank's vault. Then at least, if you use it they will be able to prove premeditated intent. Believe me, the world will be that much safer. One moment ago you were a perfectly legal gun owner, and then suddenly you are a felon.

In my adopted home country, South Africa (yeah!) we need to tell people that most victims of gun violence are the previous owners of a previous legal gun that started its carrer as an illegal gun when the attacker snatched it away from you only to kill you with it. Is that your idea of your right to self defense?

But this story - this story is about your own flesh and blood going through that painful experience called "growing up." We all did that, most of us eventually pulled through without shots being fired. Maybe it should be listed amongst all the other "unalienable rights" of every human, not just US citizens ...

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she didn't . . .
Feb 14, 2012 12:20PM PST

Apparently she posted on facebook for the world to see what SHE wanted to say. It is only fair that the Father do the same - rebuttal. The father did count to 10 before reacting. it took him a while to set up the camera, get the gun, pose the picture and shoot the laptop. By putting a gun in the bank vault - not possible I am afraid. Banks won't let you bring firearms in them anymore. Also, if the banks held all the guns then the government need only control the banks and they control the weapons. Why do you think the second amendment was created in the first place?? For the citizens to protect themselves from the government!
There are far more reasons to have and carry a gun than not to. Your story about guns is invalid on most cases. If I had a gun and saw someone take a gun from someone else and attempt to shoot them I would shoot the attacker. This is another good reason for everyone to carry a gun. Oh, incidentally, I do not own a gun, never have. But I firmly believe in teh right to keep and bear arms.

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Gonna Cost you
Feb 14, 2012 3:37AM PST

As the father of 4 now grown children (Yea, I lived!), I can sympathize with the emotion, but he is only going to buy her another, after the tears and begging and the promises to change. Hope I'm wrong, but I don't think so.

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Teen whine
Feb 14, 2012 3:43AM PST

No. The father should be arrested and prosecuted and a swift kick on the a#& to the daughter would probably do the spoiled brat the world of good

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Dad's got some problems
Feb 14, 2012 3:53AM PST

Teenagers whine and rebel; it's part of adolescence, and I know I did too at that age. For a father to have a gun in his house and inappropriately use it to shoot his daughter's laptop shows me Dad might need to get a little help with his anger issues. If some free speech on Facebook created an extreme reaction like that, it sounds to me like Dad's the one who has issues with his emotions, not the daughter. This is why so many people favor gun control; the weapon's not being used for protection, it was being used for destruction. I wouldn't want to live in a house with a man like that who owned a gun; there's no telling what he'd do the next time he got angry.

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I wouldn't destroy anything that expensive
Feb 14, 2012 4:01AM PST

I can't afford to buy many of the things I'd like to have, so there's no way I would destroy a piece of equipment that expensive. What I would do (and have done with my own children when they were pre- and young teens) is to install parental control software that would limit their exposure to "social media" (websites, chat rooms, etc.) and inappropriate sites, and also limit the amount of time they spend on their computers during school nights.

When "grounding" was warranted, I'd try to make the length and severity of the grounding fit the offense. For an act of civil disobedience, my grounding periods were relatively short - in recognition that young age and peer pressure make children do things they wouldn't do as adults. More serious offenses (breaking curfew, smoking/drinking, or worse) would carry stiffer penalties and groundings would get progressively more serious if offenses were committed again.